Just a Thought...

Rest.

2012-01-25T01:54:00.000-05:00

I look to You,

I see the scars upon Your hands,

that hold the truth, that when I can't You always can

And standing here, beneath the shadow of the cross,

I'm overwhelmed that I keep finding open arms.

What love is this that You gave Your life for me

and made a way for me to know You

and I confess You're always enough for me

You're all I need

Jesus in Your suffering, You were reaching

You thought of me.

What love is this that You gave Your life for me

and made a way for me to know You

and I confess You're always enough for me

You're all I need....

"What Love is This"

Kari Jobe

The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.

He rescues them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted,

He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

The righteous person faces many troubles,

But the Lord comes to the rescue each time.

Psalm 34:17-19

I have set the Lord continually before me;

Because He is at my right hand,

I will not be shaken...

You will make known to me the path of life;

in Your presence is fullness of joy.

Psalm 16:8,11a

Oh great God, give us rest

We're all worn thin from all of this

At the end of our hope, with nothing left

Oh great God, give us rest

Could You take a song and make it Thine,

From a crooked heart twisted up like mine?

Would You open up Heaven's glory light?

Shine on in, give these dead bones life.

Shine on in, give these dead bones life.

"Oh Great God, Give Us Rest"

David Crowder Band

I haven't been sleeping well lately at all. Most people who know me know that that is not just bad news for me, but it's bad news for everyone I come in contact with. :) Sometimes it's not so bad... like tonight when I was out with my friends, and my tiredness made me so crazy I laughed at pretty much everything. Sometimes when I'm sleepy, it ups my hilarious awesomeness.

Usually, when I go through bouts of insomnia like this though, it's because I'm feeling anxious about something. Um yes, that's definitely the case. I'm feeling anxious about a lot of things right now. I'm feeling pretty lost and confused about what's next, and how I found myself here. I try to find distractions and I obsessively over think everything.... like yesterday when I worked out twice (me?!), just because I needed to think. I mean, that works well for my endeavor of being a supermodel, but running and doing sit ups until I felt like I was going to die wasn't really helpful in the big picture.

I know the Lord is trying to get my attention, and I know that during this particularly trying chapter in my life, that He is here. He has been ever-present, consistent, steadfast, and gracious in the loving kindness He has been pouring out upon me lately, and I'm so grateful for that. In the shadow of the cross, I'm ashamed that I doubt Him or that I allow the worries that this world presents, distract me from Him. I'm ashamed that at night I allow fear to consume me to the point of feeling hopeless. I'm ashamed that I let the matters of my heart overwhelm me, thinking that He isn't in the midst of it all. "Cast Your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." I feel a lot of shame in how weak my faith is, but I am so grateful that His mercies really are new every morning.

The lyrics to that first song I posted say, "I confess You're always enough for me. You're all I need." I wish it was true, but actually, I should probably say, "I confess that I don't always allow You to be enough for me... but I know You are. You're all I need." Praying that that confession becomes real to me these next few days as I make some decisions. Praying that I can just give this worry over to Him, and act upon the things He's allowing to stay constantly in the forefront of my mind, not to torture me, but because they need to be dealt with. "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever."

"You steady my heart..."

2012-01-11T21:33:00.000-05:00

I'm doing a terrible job at updating my blog...

I didn't even post my favorite Yearly Recap for New Years!

Things have been super busy to say the least.

I left to go home for Christmas on Thursday, December 22nd. Wednesday, December 21st also ended up being my very last day at Red Bank. Just a few days before, I had felt the Lord leading me to resign from my job on staff there. It was a really difficult decision to make, but I have peace knowing that it was the right decision. Its been super sad to not see my students, but as much as this was a plan for my life, this was His plan for theirs as well.

The Lord knows us better than we know ourselves, and He knows how much I can handle, and the fear that these chapters of uncertainty can cause in my heart. Everyday when I feel panic begin to rise in my chest, I feel His presence and peace overwhelm me. I'll find a new job.

Last week I went to the Passion Conference in Atlanta. Again, this is yet another way the Lord has taken care of me. What an encouraging and uplifting few days that was. There were 45,000 people in the Georgia Dome! I'll never forget looking out at everyone, hands lifted high in worship. It was beautiful and sucked the breath right out of my lungs. God is big and His glory is worth any sacrifice I might have to make in order to follow Him. I was so encouraged by the messages brought by John Piper, Beth Moore, Francis Chan, and Louie Giglio... and oh-holy-night Christine Caine spoke on human trafficking, and I thought my heart was going to rip out of my chest. It was powerful. The conference was great!

*not to mention how awesome it was to see Hillsong United again, or to be present for David Crowder Band's last time playing together.

Right after Passion, I went home, went to bed at 9pm, and woke up early the next morning to head to South Carolina with Seth and the band to sing with them at a Disciple Now. I was tired. I ended up losing my voice almost as soon as we got there. I was overwhelmed by the things I didn't have the chance to process at Passion. Maybe I should have stayed home.... BUT I'm grateful the Lord allowed me the opportunity to go. I might have been a little bit emotional and sensitive offstage, but it was an honor to stand before students crying out to Him as we led them in worship. Seth did such a great job, I think I got saved again one night (I kid, I kid!) I love those boys, and I love seeing them use the gifts the Lord has given them. It's also always great to see students we met at camp, and to reconnect in those relationships.

Now, I'm back in Chattanooga trying to figure out what's next. I'm grateful for my parents' support and encouragement and patience..... my sisters have got it all together, what the hey diddle diddle is up with me?! Pray for me. Of their three daughters, I'm the one who talks the most about my faith in God, and yet I'm the one who seems to be the most lost. I hate that... but I know the Lord is trying to teach me something through this. Just gotta keep moving forward.

Here are some pictures from Passion:

Opening Session of Passion 2012

The picture absolutely cannot adequately describe how overwhelmingly beautiful that sight was to see!

John Piper spoke in my Community Group one morning, so I got there early and sat right up front.

I was pretty stinkin excited!

Woohoo for camp reunions. These are 3 of the guys from the band from my summer of '06 at Fuge.

I hadn't seen them in FOREVER and so it was GREAT that we randomly bumped into each other in the massive crowd. So happy at Hillsong United!

Seth, Allison, and me having fun in the upper deck. Not gonna lie, it was beautiful to see everyone dancing and jumping during worship, but when the ground shakes, and you're that high up, it's a little scary!

Louie speaking at the closing session... ya know the one where he told us we raised 3.3 million dollars to the cause of freedom from human trafficking! My heart broke over the stories and statistics we heard throughout the conference. It was awesome to see the response of people when they heard about it.

BirthGiving Day... ThanksBirthday

2011-12-01T22:57:00.001-05:00

Last week I went home for Thanksgiving, and my 29th birthday. I love it when I get to go home. I miss my people so much.

BUT I did miss Chattanooga while I was away. This place and its people must be growing on me more than I admit. :)

I arrived on Tuesday, and my sister and I spent some quality time in the car stuck in traffic on the way home from Reagan.

Wednesday I slept in.. which is no small feat given how uncomfortable my bed at home is. I was exhausted from going non-stop since our retreat the weekend before. That night I stayed over at Stacy's and Bryan's so I could wake up Thursday for the guys' football game... and hangout with my favorite kids, Noah and Chloe.

It was stinkin cold as all get out watching the game. I didn't last very long at all before I headed home to hangout with my parents and my older sister, Erin for Thanksgiving. We had a really great day, and then I headed out to hangout with my second family, the Griffitts clan.

Last week I also got to see Megan and Beth and meet their babies, and celebrate my birthday with my parents, sisters, their boos, and the Griffitts family. It was a great day. One of my favorite parts of my week home was worshipping at my home church, a church that I love so much. It feels like home when I'm there, and I miss it a lot every Sunday morning. It was a great trip home, and I can't wait for my Christmas trip home to get here!

Some pictures from the last few weeks:

The Middle School girls and me on the bus to Gatlinburg for Fall Retreat

They're crazy fun!

Waiting to get in the opening night of the conference

My sweet High School senior girls

My Rebels

_________________________________________________

My friends surprised me for dinner for my birthday the night before I went home for Thanksgiving

Love these people!

_____________________________________________

Home

Stacy and me playing Singstar...

The passion on our faces could mean only one thing:

Wilson Philips "Hold On"

Noah was so kind to put down his iphone (or so he thinks its his) to smile with me

Cute Chloe all bundled up watching her daddy and uncles Jake and Bryan play football

Everyone likes some friendly competition so I pretended to like the Ravens while Stacy was clearly pulling for her team, the 49ers.

Love this girl

Baby city... but don't worry people, they're not mine.

Hanging out with high school friends, Beth and Megan

My birthday was filled with happy texts and facebook comments and phone calls wishing me happy birthday. This was one of my favorites from my some of my students back home.

Lately... The Bullet Points Edition

2011-11-06T21:38:00.001-05:00

*Last weekend my WONDERFUL friend Lauren flew in from Dallas.
She needed a break from life to stop and laugh. I needed a friend to laugh with.
It worked out perfectly. She is/has been such a blessing in my life.

*We rode Chattanooga's National Landmark Incline up onto Lookout Mountain, taking in the Civil War history and beautiful fall colors. The Incline was no joke, super steep, and scary. :)

*It was worth the scary ride!

*Then we stopped by my church for our Trunk or Treat event. Most younger people just thought I was decked out in my favorite color... but older, cooler kids knew I was part of Jem's band, Jem and the Holograms. Remember that awesome show?!

*Best of all, Lauren and I got to see Needtobreathe here in town! It was the best concert I've ever been to. They're so stinkin talented! It was incredible! Everyone was so happy, and uh, those boys are lovely! Break me off a piece of that!

*Ben Rector was their opening act, and he was definitely a solid choice!

*Then THIS weekend, my friends Michael, Allison and I saw David Crowder in Atlanta.

*It's a bit bittersweet because of their upcoming retirement, but it also meant they played all their best songs! "All I Can Say" has always been my favorite Crowder song, but it's from their first album, one that's not even really sold in stores, and it was the song they closed with. It was stinkin awesome! I'd never heard it live. It made me miss my people back home.... Becca and I sang that song in church a LONG time ago, and I'll never forget being approached by a big tough marine, with tears streaming down his face, saying that song had spoken to his heart. It's a powerful song for anyone going through a tough time.

*The venue made me want to have black chandeliers all through my house. It was awesome!
The first pic is a one taken and tweeted by one of the band members.

2011-11-01T21:31:00.002-04:00

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37:4

Lord, change my dreams into the dreams You have for my life.

I started reading "Kisses From Katie" tonight, and already her written words are being used by God to work in my heart. Today was a struggle to trust Him. Today was a struggle to trust that He is present in my present and my future. Today was just a struggle.... but how gracious, how faithful He is to carry me through the things He's always known I would face. His love is steadfast, unwavering, constant. His mercies are new every morning... every five minutes when need be. I have so much to be grateful for, and I absolutely must remember that those things that are causing such fear in my life, the things that remain unknown, are unknown for a reason. His timing is perfect, and no day goes by that wasn't intentionally given to me by the grace of God, therefore, I should be living it with intention.

Tomorrow I hope I can see Him in the little things, and know with conviction that those were moments given to me to bring Him glory.

All Things New

2011-10-18T10:49:00.000-04:00

"And He who sits on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'

And He said, 'Write, for these words are faithful and true."

Revelation 21:5

I'm studying the book of Acts at a Bible study here in town, and last week we studied the conversion of Saul. I started thinking less about the moment he was struck blind, and more about the time he spent in the darkness, and then the moment he could finally see again.

It says in Acts 9, "Saul got up from the ground, and though his eyes were open, he could see nothing..."

Having not yet been filled with the Holy Spirit, Saul had heard the voice of Jesus. God had sought him out, and Saul had a life altering encounter with the living God, all while his heart was in the darkest place. After that moment, Saul got up, and though his eyes were opening, he could see nothing...

Apart from the Holy Spirit, people can encounter God, recognize his existence, but remain unchanged.

Then I started thinking about the moment he regained his sight. Once the scales fell from his eyes, Saul was a different person, a new man; Paul, God's chosen instrument. It was like he hadn't just regained his sight, but was given brand new eyes by which to see the world. Changed by the recognition that Jesus is Lord, and the filling of the Holy Spirit, Paul, a murderer and persecutor of Christians, would never be the same again.

and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

in the light of His glory and grace

He makes all things new.

All things.

My biggest problem is that sin comes so naturally for me, and life is so fast paced, that I'm not even present enough in my own world to recognize in the moment when I'm doing something that grieves the Holy Spirit. In this busy life, it's easy to tune Him out and just keep trucking along.

I'm fighting to change that; to slow down, to be present and aware of the words that I speak or the thoughts that I have about things... holding steadfast to the belief that God really does make all things new, and that He desires to mold me more and more into the likeness of His Son if I would surrender my will, my time, my words, my actions, my attitude, for His.

You restore the broken, You heal the sinner's heart

You make all things new, all things new

By the cross Your love was spoken, You even wore the scars

To make all things new, all things new

You release the chains

Of all my yesterdays

And I am not the same, Lord

You make all things new.

Irene Kiss

2011-09-30T02:52:00.003-04:00

Two giant cardboard Power Ranger cutouts greeted me as I took my first step into my new classroom, in my new school. Having moved to the neighborhood at the beginning of the summer, I felt both excitement and nervousness on this open house night. I was ready to start school and make new friends, but of course, dreaded those first few awkward days as I figured out where I belonged in this mixed class.

I found out a few things pretty quickly. 1. Most of us were new to the neighborhood and so I wasn’t alone, and 2. I had the best teacher in the 5^th grade. Ms. Kiss was the fun one, hence the Power Rangers towering over our long, low, bookshelf along the back wall. The first day we opened our science book, she paused to point out that the scary looking ape on the front cover resembled someone she used to date, which of course caused our entire class to burst into laughter… after all, everyone knows teachers don’t date!

In the yearbook there’s a picture of our class wearing big, bright, red wax lips, proudly representing our beloved teacher, and in the years that followed, anytime two or more of us from that class would gather, the stories and laughs would start pouring out. That year had a profound impact on so many of us, and yet, it’s impossible to pinpoint just one reason why.

Ms. Kiss loved us. Most of us don’t doubt that at all. When tragedy befell the families of a few of my classmates in the years after we’d left her classroom, Ms. Kiss was there. In her own compassionate way, she let us know that if we ever needed anything, we could always call. In those difficult middle school years, it wasn’t uncommon for me to hop on my bike, ride over to the elementary school to talk to Ms. Kiss, only to find another one of my classmates was there, doing the same thing.

Ms. Kiss believed in us. I’ll never forget the first report card I got where I received a C in science. My first C ever, and my parents were so upset. I didn’t understand. It said at the bottom of my report card that a “C” meant average. It meant I was right there in the middle, not good, but gosh people, it wasn’t bad! I sat in a parent-teacher conference with Ms. Kiss and my mom, and Ms. Kiss asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Duh, I wanted to be a doctor! Yeah, let me tell you, a conversation telling your teacher that C’s are a-ok, and so is being “average,” yet you’re aspiring to be a doctor is NOT going to go well. Ms. Kiss didn’t expect the impossible from me. She knew what I was capable of, and expected me to try my hardest, to never settle for being just “average.”

Ms. Kiss was gracious. One day at lunch, the dumb boys in my class were spitting spit wads at one another. I thought it was funny, so I took a straw and stuffed (spit free) paper down into it, and joined in on the hilarity. It’s all fun and games until the lunchroom lady lays the smack down. Ms. Kiss came to pick up the class from the cafeteria, only to find a group of boys, and Molly relegated to the lunch detention table. Lunch detention was the least of my worries… what if she called my parents?! I would surely be grounded for life! I still remember the solemn walk to our classroom, where she told the guys and me how disappointed she was in us, and handed us this essay packet we had to do whenever we got in big trouble in her class. The essays asked me why I had made the choice that I did, what I felt was a fair punishment. I poured my heart out in that essay, telling her I was just trying to be funny, and all but begging her to have mercy on my soul. I think I even signed it saying that if she called my parents, I would see her in heaven, because I would be in so much trouble! A few days later, she called me to her desk. She gave me a hug, and told me that she was proud of me for taking responsibility for my actions and that she felt like I had learned from my mistake. Hallelujah, mom and dad would never know!

Ms. Kiss encouraged us to be ourselves. I was that girl that loved to laugh but most days forgot to brush my hair… so Ms. Kiss and I laughed together. Others in our class were good at sports, and so Ms. Kiss cheered for them on the field. Some liked to sing Disney songs, and music from the King and I (haha), and she even encouraged them as well. She didn’t care what it was, or if we were actually good at it or not, she wanted us to find the things we loved, and to be passionate about it. She loved us for who we were, and hoped that we would grow up to be confident, compassionate, loving people who loved others for their uniqueness.

She was the kind of teacher we never wanted to disappoint, and one that never hid her emotion from us. When she was upset, wow, we knew it, but when she was proud, her faced beamed that too.

When snow was in the forecast, she’d pull all of us out into the hallway to do the snow dance, and she’d be the first to tell us to wear our PJs inside out so school would be cancelled.

She let us build a fort out of boxes when we read Bridge to Terabithia, and handed me tissues across her bean shaped reading table as I poured out my heart about how sad I was after reading “Where the Red Fern Grows.”

She wore tennis shoes with pink and blue on them almost everyday, and never wore dresses. She always said she came to school ready to have too much fun to wear a dress.

She let us have a huge water fight on the last day of school, she herself donning the biggest Supersoaker of them all!

After school she’d pull up to our neighborhood bike gang on her way home and tell us she couldn’t wait to see us tomorrow… and the way she said it, you always knew she meant it.

Ms. Kiss was wonderful. It was one year, almost 20 years ago, and yet it’s still one of the favorite, formative chapters of my life thus far.

I found out that Ms. Kiss passed away last week. I didn’t expect to feel so sad, especially since I haven’t talk to her since I was in high school, but I can’t help but feel a bright light has left this world. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about how I might be able to get her address to write her and tell her how much she meant to me, but sadly, I never got that chance. I hope that over the years she was as happy and loved as she made us feel, and that somewhere, deep down inside, she knew she’d made an impact on so many. Irene Kiss was one of the greatest influences in my life, and I'm grateful I had the opportunity to have her in my life.. even if it was just for a little while.

September 11th- Ten Years Later

2011-09-11T12:53:00.005-04:00

Words are and seem so inadequate. Facebook, blogs, news sites, all filled with similar thoughts... "Where were you on 9/11?" Those of us who are old enough to remember, can't help but want to share with others how that day profoundly impacted our lives and the way we view the world in which we live.

For my generation, many of us acknowledged for the first time that evil exists in this world, and then, faced with the likelihood that our country would go to war, and as little more than children ourselves, we had to make very adult decisions of how we would respond. I have so many brave friends who are still serving our country in response to how 9/11 impacted their lives.

Working in student ministry, I'm surrounded by middle and high school students who barely, if at all, remember that day in our nation's history. They don't remember a world without news updates of the terror threat level for that day, or a world without the world on terror, or a world where you could walk your loved on up to their gate at the airport or fly with liquids in your carry-on. They don't remember what it was like watching the 2nd plane hit the World Trade Center, or the panic many of us felt as we tried to make sure loved ones and friends were safe.

Just a month into my freshman year of college, I stood in front of a television, watching with my roommate and the rest of the world, as one of the darkest days in our country's history unfolded. As I watched the news, and then heard about the plane hitting the Pentagon, my fear smashed a million times closer to home than the news of NYC. Was my dad there that day? Were my friends' dads ok? What if someone I know was on that hijacked plane from Reagan? New York City, Washington DC, and a field in Pennsylvania... where would they attack us next? How would America stand up after taking such a blow?

I'll never forget watching the footage of people jumping to their deaths from the unreachable upper floors of the World Trade Center. I was so angry at our news coverage for showing such heart breaking, hopeless moments. If that had been my dad or someone I knew, it would have been so easy to recognize them. Why would they show that? And yet, it was in those moments that I realized just how "real" that situation was. Those buildings were more than just tall towers... they held mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, and children... and so did the planes that crashed that day.

In the weeks following 9/11, I saw our nation come together. I saw many people turn to God. I know that He works all things together for our good. I know that He is sovereign and that there was always a plan and a purpose in that dark day. Today, on the 10th anniversary, I pray that we're reminded of how close He was to us during that time, and that He continues to be close to us today. I pray that all of the loss, the suffering would not be vain, but instead point usever-closer to the Giver of Life. Yes, 9/11 was a dark, ugly day... but there was a Friday in Jerusalem that was even darker and even uglier. Thanks be to God that because of Jesus' death on the cross, and in His resurrection, we can have hope. Even in hate, and death, Jesus conquers all, and His glory endures forever.

Sarah's Wedding

2011-09-10T22:18:00.002-04:00

Wow, what a fun time last weekend was! My little sister is a married woman now! The wedding was absolutely beautiful and so was Sarah. She was the prettiest bride ever… seriously looking like the cover of some bridal magazine. She got married at the St. Regis in Washington DC near the White House, which is a gorgeous old hotel downtown.

Friday, I spent the day with my older sister, Erin getting our nails done and just hanging out, and then her boo Chad, Erin and I headed into the city for a big dinner for family and out of town guests (she didn’t have a rehearsal). This was my first time meeting a lot of Sarah’s new family, like Joseph’s brothers and stuff…wow, they are a fun group of people, for sure. Very loud and very Italian. I definitely love the fact that they truly do love Sarah.

That night, since I’ve missed all of her showers and stuff, I stayed with Sarah in her big fancy sweet. I tried not to get too excited about the fact that it was big enough to have two bathrooms, and tvs in the bathroom mirrors. I am so grateful I got to spend time with Sarah. It was great to talk and laugh, since I knew Saturday would be so crazy.

We woke up bright and early Saturday, and the craziness began shortly thereafter. Hair and makeup for Sarah, the mothers, and all of the bridesmaids took place all afternoon. Sarah was so calm and in such a good mood, even though you could tell she was getting nervous. It was a fun day. Her friends that she chose for bridesmaids are all really nice, and we just laughed a lot. Everyone was genuinely excited for Sarah and Joseph’s big day.

It was hilarious when it was time for pictures as the bridal party made its way down the block toward the White House. Cars were honking and tourists were stopping to take picture. Sarah looked so pretty in her dress. I can’t wait to see how the pictures all turn out. Thankfully the rainy weather cleared up, and it ended up being a beautiful day. Her wedding was in a courtyard attached to the hotel, and it just looked so picturesque.

The wedding ceremony itself was super short, followed by a cocktail hour while they moved the chairs inside to the tables. The cocktail hour was good because it took about that long for everyone to figure out the bustle on Sarah’s huge poofy dress! Eventually we made our way in to the reception. We had a really good meal, did the toasts and dances…. And then the craziness began. I have never been at a wedding where soooo many people were dancing and enjoying themselves like they were at this one. It seemed like everyone was dancing, and laughing and having a great time. I might need to invite some crazy Italians to my wedding someday to make the party happen. It was so much fun.

In all, it was such a happy weekend. I’m so excited for Sarah and that I have a new brother. I’m happy that my sister found a love that makes her happy. I was a hot, crying mess a couple times because the joy we all felt was incredibly overwhelming.

After a crazy last few weeks and not being home since Christmas, last weekend was such a blessing. Spending time with my family, seeing all my friends… It was definitely hard to get on the plane to fly back. I’m super homesick, but so grateful I got to go home for a few days. It was one of the best weekends ever.

Nashville Trip

2011-08-28T23:20:00.002-04:00

This past weekend I went to Nashville... just because.

I have so many wonderful friends in that city, and sadly there's never enough time to see all of them.

BUT the Lord knew who I needed to see this weekend, and those girls were such an encouragement to me. On the way into town, I stopped at MTSU to see one of my girls who graduated in May. I've been here since September of last year, and let me tell you, it did my heart good to see Katie's big smile when she opened the door to her apartment, and the hug she gave me. I'm grateful the Lord gave me a year with Katie in the youth group. She's a precious girl. I'm excited for this new chapter in her life.

Then, I got to stop by and see Stacy's classroom and visit with her for a hot second. I'd die without her. I'm proud of her. She's a real live teacher!!

Then I made it to my friend MeLissa's house for a Bible study she was starting that night with some girls. It was fun to sit in, and uh, I kind of wish they could skype me in every week! Then I got to spend some time talking with MeLissa, her roommates (and my friends) Lydia and Erin, and our friend Arley. Those girls friendships with one another is precious to see, plus they're all hilarious people. It's always fun to see them.

MeLissa and I stayed up talking late, and geez what an encouragement she is. If anything, she just made me feel less alone. I love MeLissa and the way she lives her like. She lives expectantly.. like she KNOWS there's so much more the Lord wants for her. She gives me courage. She reminds me to "be gentle." She makes me laugh. She believes in me. AND on top of all that, she's going to be famous some day and let me make her coffee for her.

I love her.

Friday night I went over to my friends' Carrie, Candace, and Jenny's apartment... and my friend Megan came to have a sleepover too! Oh my goodness did we laugh! They're amazing women. Saturday morning at breakfast Carrie asked us, "Who inspires you?" I sat there thinking... grateful that I have friendships like this.. that we can talk about things beyond the superficial. I left Nashville feeling so refreshed, restored, loved, and blessed. I'm grateful for those friendships.

Yet another reason why I just love Fuge. Its brought some pretty incredible people into my world!

2011-08-16T22:27:00.002-04:00

Over Christmas I bought a book that caused strangers to stop me in the airport to tell me how good it was, or how many of them had gotten it from Santa too. I started reading it with the mindset that I wasn't going to give in to what everyone else was going crazy for. I just knew that I wasn't going to like it.

I was wrong.

I started The Help in between crying over delayed and cancelled flights, and had it half read by the time my plane finally landed in Atlanta. I couldn't put it down. It's not a suspenseful, intense book, but it grabbed my attention and kept it. Set in Jackson, MS it chronicles the lives of black women who served as maids in the 1950s. I was captivated by the acknowledgement that my parents were alive during this time...reminded that a level of racism that seems so foreign to any thought I've had about another person was alive and well not all that long ago.

My parents aren't civil rights activists, but they're certainly not racist. Growing up in predominantly military communities, full of diverse cultures and races, I never understood racism. I remember my first day of 5th grade in a new school thinking to myself, "Where are all the black people??" I wish that I could say I've always been surrounded by people of similar thought, but of course a few redneck Stafforidians, and new people in college showed me a different side. Racism is still something I refuse to allow in my presence; it's heartbreaking to see how hateful people can be.

Today, I went with one of my students to see the film, written after the book. Oh my gosh, what an experience. I was so moved. I think I cried about 10 times. I loved it. In my opinion it was just as good at the book, and captured the characters exactly as I thought them to be in my mind. I saw it in a theater packed full of old ladies, ladies who were raising children in the south during that time.... I can't help but wonder what they thought. I can't help but wonder what cultural norms they had to overcome to see people as Christ see's us... and if it's still something they struggle with.

You should first read the book, then go see the movie. Everyone knows it's better to read a book before seeing the movie. I promise it's worth it.

Psalm 145

2011-08-16T00:45:00.003-04:00

great is the Lord, so worthy of praise
great is the Lord

one generation will
commend Your kingdom
to one another
they will speak of You
and i will meditate
on Your wonder
and they, they will speak
of Your glorious splendor
of Your majesty
everyday i'll praise thee
forever and ever

everyday i will praise
for You open Your hand
and satisfy desires of all things
my God the King

the Lord is gracious
and slow to anger
He is rich in love
He is good to all

all who call on Him
in truth He is near to
and He hears their cry
and saves them

Psalm 145 Shane & Shane

Wake Up!

2011-08-15T17:10:00.003-04:00

Because we are currently without a youth pastor, I've been doing a series by BlueFish called "Courage," with Francis Chan. My students seem to really be engaging in it, which is a relief. I wasn't sure how the whole video series thing would go over with them. I'm absolutely loving the discussion time we're having at the end of the videos, and am praying that the overarching messages are really beginning to sink in.

Last week, Francis Chan used part of Revelation 3 in his lesson... where the church at Sardis is told that they have the reputation of being alive, but they're really dead. One thing you may not know about my students is that a lot of them have grown up in our church. They've always gone here, they've always come on Wednesdays and Sundays. It's not really up for discussion whether or not they attend our weekly events. I think that's created a certain amount of apathy in their walk with Christ. Some of them take their church, and opportunities to grow in their faith for granted. Of course I'm not saying that coming to youth group is the only means of spiritual growth, but for my students, a lot of them aren't taking advantage of the things right in front of them, let alone seeking it out on their own. They're great students, they really are... but with this series, I'm really trying to challenge them to move outside of the mindset that their faith is cultural or tradition, and instead something that is personal to them as individuals, and something that calls us to action.

Revelation 3: "I know your deeds, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead. Wake up, and strengthen the things that remain, which were about to die; for I have not found your deeds completed in the sight of My God."

SO CONVICTING, yet hopeful!

I wonder how many of us have been through times in our lives, a lot like the church at Sardis. We go through the motions, we talk the talk, but God knows our hearts, He knows whether or not we're truly alive, or on the verge of death. I love how this church is challenged to "WAKE UP!" There's still hope! God has a plan for each one of us, and whether we intentionally give up and walk away, or we, as creatures of habit are simply going through the motions, the Lord has called us to so much more.

I may not be dead, but there are definitely areas that I'm falling asleep. It's time to WAKE UP.

Cave Monsters

2011-08-05T14:50:00.006-04:00

Last spring, the youth ministry team consisting of myself, the youth minister, and our administrative assistant, sat down and planned out our summer calendar. One of the last events we planned was a caving trip to the Lost Sea. Apparently back in the day, the student ministry would go to the Lost Sea and camp out in the cave. It sounded like fun.

Yeah, well..... uh. I cant walk today. haha.

This trip has been so frustrating to plan. I started out with a decent size group, and one by one they just started dropping out. What I originally thought would require the church's bus, ended up being a group small enough to fit in two cars. I shed many tears over this. I think, with it being my first trip flying solo without a youth minister, and the last trip for our seniors, I wanted it to be good. I wanted to do a good job. I was really not looking forward to the trip at all as students started dropping out.

Yesterday, 9 of us piled into cars and made our way toward the Lost Sea. I had 5 students (4 recent graduates and a freshman) and 4 chaperones (which I use that term loosely since I was the oldest of the group), and it seemed like everyone (but me) was pumped.

First we stopped at the Mayfield Dairy and I made everyone learn how milk jugs were made and filled. Dude, that place sends out some serious school milk cartons. And then we ate ice cream.. which might have been a bad idea, given that we were sleeping in a cave later that night, but we like to live life on the edge.

Only Steve could make a beardnet look hot

Then we headed to the Lost Sea.

First of all....... I thought I was prepared for this trip. I was wrong. Second of all, if you are claustrophobic or non skinny- you may want to spend some extra time in prayer before you enter a caving situation.

These Lost Sea-ers totally tricked me. The first part of the tour, a 5 year old could handle. Yeah we climbed some hills (i mean, what are they called in a cave?), and I got out of breath, but sweet California, if I only knew what was coming. The Lost Sea is cool, with some neat history behind it. Native Americans used to live in or use the cave back in the day, and during the Civil War, its resources were used to make gun powder. The sea itself is massive, and years ago they brought fish down into the cave as an experiment... hoping that the fish would lead them to the cave's water source. BUT the fish just died, because the sea is too big, and they didn't have anyway to get food. Don't worry though, they feed those jokers, so those creepy fish were almost jumping into the boat with us.

After the regular tour, the fun really began.

Our guide Shane was hilarious, and our group really loved having him with us. He and our guide in training, Hunter, took us back to our campsite for a break, before leading us out on a special excursion that you only get to do if you're camping in the cave. This part of the cave had no artificial light spread throughout, so we had to rock our head lamps.

The next few hours of my life, I was certain were going to kill me.

The guys took my group through some of the most ridiculous tunnels and holes on the planet. Places that I was certain my body just wasn't going to fit through. There was one place they took us through that I've nicknamed "The Devil" that I thought for sure I was going to die in. We had to crawl on our hands and knees over rocks and under rocks and through mud, and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I see a hole up ahead that I was sure MY body was NOT going through. To make it even worse, if by some miracle of God, my body did squeeze through it, I then had to army crawl several feet through a space I was sure I wouldn't fit through either.

I got about 1/2 way through the hole and I just didn't have the strength to go forward. My friends Steve and Andy were behind me. My friend Lauren was in front of me. And my skinny little students were already at the end cheering me on. I started to cry (but to my credit, it was just a little bit) because I just didn't know how I would get through. Steve and Andy refused to let me turn around, and so I had no choice but to keep going. Somehow, from somewhere, I mustered up the strength to continue, and I very non-gracefully wiggled my way through the hole, and army crawled in slow motion to the other side. I was being dramatic and saying all kinds of crazy stuff through it, but I can't tell you what a moment it was to come out the other end, being encouraged by my students, and feeling proud of myself. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I hope I never have to do it again, but it was worth it.

Another place they took us through, required us to lay on our sides and crawl through this crevice. My arms are so bruised by this point that every movement hurt like crazy. Again, with Steve behind me, telling me I could do it, and Lauren up ahead telling me I could do it, I made the attempt. I got about a foot in and knew for certain I didn't have the strength to keep going. I can't begin to describe how exhausted I was at this point. My muscles were shaking from being strained so much that night. This was one of our last things we were doing, and I really did want to finish it, but I didn't know how I would. Steve was stuck behind me, and I was just laying there between two rock walls, telling them to tell my parents I love them, but that I was going to die right there in that spot. haha. To make it worse, our guide in training accidentally took my students an easier route (he's still learning the cave), so they didn't even had to do this junk! I needed help. Shane was awesome though, and made his way back down between the walls, stuck out his foot and told me to grab on. Then he started singing part of Lil Jon's "Get Low".. "Now stop, and wiggle wit it." And just like that, with me holding on to his foot for some extra help, he and I wiggled our way out of the tunnel.

I've never been more filthy. Seriously, I had dirt in my hair, my ears, on my back, my toes (which were in tennis shoes!).

Once I set my sleeping bag on the cave floor, I didn't move from it... because I couldn't.

Caves are freaking freezing when you're sleeping in them.

Bats are creepy.

Absolute darkness can lead to awkward moments.

There were so many funny moments, and special moments last night. Even though there wasn't a bus full like I hoped... the Lord showed me just how much faith I had been lacking. My students came up to me and told me that they had a great time, and that they were grateful for the group that came, that it was exactly who was meant to be there. My friend Steve shared a story at our campsite, that I'm praying spoke to my students, and that we all learned a lot about trust, courage, faith, and friendship.

Though I'm completely covered in bruises, last night was the best night I've had since moving to Chattanooga... and in a difficult season in my life, it was just the kind of reminder I needed. It took bringing me down into a cave, where I was a hot mess and completely helpless to remind me that God is in control.

Check out my bruises!

My legs are just as bad!

2011-08-04T02:08:00.002-04:00

Shane and Shane just put out a new album on their website, and I just stinkin love them. Seriously, they're incredible songwriters and talented musicians. One of the songs just hit me. I know it's hard to post lyrics on a blog and expect them to speak to everyone else who reads them, especially if you aren't listening to the song.. but I'm going to post them anyway..

I can walk through the storm.
I can walk by faith when my sight is gone, just as long as You are here with me.
I can gain everything but what do I have if I don’t have the King?
Oh I need to know You’re here with me

Here I am, calling out, Father. Can you hear me? I don’t wanna go without You.

Here I am, can You talk a little louder so I can hear You. I wanna hear You.

I don’t wanna move without You.

Even though I believe You’ve taken up a home inside me and You’ll never leave
I still need to know You’re here with me

Here I am, I’m calling out, Father. Can You hear me?

I don’t wanna go without You.

Here I am, can You talk a little louder so I can hear You. I wanna hear You.

I don’t wanna move without You.

If Your presence goes, I don’t wanna stay. If Your presence stays, I don’t wanna go

I need You.

Here I am, I’m calling out, Father. Can You hear me?

I don’t wanna go without You.

Here I am, can You talk a little louder so I can hear You. I wanna hear You.

I don’t wanna move without You.

Right now, I'm in this weird place, trying to figure out and discern God's will for my life. I'm trying to be obedient to the call He's placed on my life... but to be honest, things are just hard right now. They're really hard, and it's difficult not to be discouraged in a lot of the things going on. BUT in the midst of a difficult time in my life, the Lord places so many reminders throughout my day, to assure me that He's still near. I'm blessed beyond measure. I need to remember that, even on the tough days.

If Your presence goes, I dont wanna stay. If Your presence stays, I dont wanna go. I need You...

2011-08-03T00:41:00.001-04:00

"And still He seeks the fellowship of His people

and will send them both joy and sorrow

to detach their hands from the things of this world

and attach them to Himself’.”

J.I. Packer

2011-07-31T00:52:00.003-04:00

Give me something brighter

Give me something I can see

Give me something vicious

Give me something I can be

Give me all the love and peace

To end these wars

Give me something sacred

Something worth fighting for

It’s clear enough to me

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer

Give me a way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

Give me motivation

Give me all my heart’s desires

Show me something gorgeous

Show me ‘til my eyes get tired

Give me all the drums and

Show me how to play them loud

Show me how to move

When I can’t feel that you’re around

It’s clear enough to me

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer

Give me a way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

We hide like thieves in shadows Scared of the sun. We know the light will find us us and all we’ve done.

Give me an answer, give me a way out, give me the faith to believe in these hard times

-needtobreathe

these hard times

2011-07-29T01:22:00.002-04:00

Tonight I went up on Lookout Mountain with Alex, Rebecca, and Steve to visit our friend Mary who has been working at Camp Lookout all summer. Rebecca and Mary went to Camp Lookout as kids, and Mary just never stopped going. Let me tell you, that place is picturesque for sure. Fuge has me spoiled in my definition of "camp" for sure. Let's just say that Camp Lookout is a little more "organic" than any Fuge I've ever worked.

I loved it. It was beautiful out there. And except for the giant frog that landed on my flip flopped foot, I had a great time being out in God's creation. We had the blessing of attending their communion service, and it was precious to watch 4th and 5th graders make commitments to the Lord, and rededications. I'm glad I had the opportunity to visit a place that my friends love so much.

Chattanooga really is a beautiful place to live.

Please pray for me as I've been feeling really crummy lately... physically, emotionally, spiritually I'm just worn down. I've been really sick lately, and I should probably go to the doctor but I'm too busy and I'm waiting for health insurance stuff to get worked out. Lame. Overwhelmed with a lot right now.

2011-07-27T02:21:00.001-04:00

   "We must be empty if we want God to fill us. We must be able to give ourselves so completely to God that He must be able to possess us. We must give whatever He takes and take whatever He gives.  Total abandonment consists of giving oneself fully to God because God has given Himself to us. If God, who owes us nothing, is willing to give us nothing less than Himself, can we respond by giving Him only a part of ourselves?  Renouncing myself, I give myself to God that He might live in me!"  -Mother Theresa

2011-07-25T18:59:00.001-04:00

Already my gaze is on the hill, that sunlit one,

up ahead on the path I've scarcely started.

In the same way, what we couldn't grasp grasps us:

blazingly visible, there in the distance--

and changes us, even if we don't reach it,

into what we, scarcely sensing it, already are;

a gesture signals, answering our gesture...

But we feel only the opposing wind.

"A Walk" by Rainer Maria Rilke

2011-07-24T21:22:00.000-04:00

"We habitually stand in our now and look back by faith to see the past filled with God. We look forward and see Him inhabiting the future; but our now is uninhabited except for ourselves. Thus we are guilty of a kind of temporary atheism, which leaves us alone in the universe while, for the time, God is not. We talk of Him much and loudly, yet we secretly think of Him as being absent, and we think of ourselves as inhabiting a parenthetic interval between the God who was and the God who will be. And we are lonely with ancient and cosmic loneliness. We are each like a little child lost in a crowded market, who has strayed but a few feet from its mother, yet because she cannot be seen the child is inconsolable. So we try by every method devised by religion to relieve our fears and heal our hidden sadness; but with all our efforts we remain unhappy still, with the settled despair of men alone in a vast and deserted universe."
A.W. Tozer "The Pursuit of Man"

Bullet Points... We all love 'em!

2011-07-24T20:48:00.003-04:00

* "The Lord draws near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 I am, by no means, brokenhearted... but it has been a difficult last few weeks for me, and rather than feeling hopeless (minus a wimpy, tear filled phone call to Stacy), I decided to give it all to the Lord. He has been so gracious.

* I cried while reading a prayer newsletter from Harvesters to my friend Allison. I miss Mary, and those cute little orphans in Sudan, and the simplicity that was my way of life during those few weeks in Africa.

*I hate it the way newspapers and news sites and magazines report the death of someone. I don't know why but saying "Amy Winehouse Dead" sounds so callous, as if she were a horse or someones dog. Let's try, "Amy Winehouse Passed Away" or "Amy Winehouse Has Died." So sad. Jesus, come save this lost world, full of broken people desperately looking for love and hope. May we show them that He is the only hope we have... and He is more than enough.

*I went to Panama City Beach last weekend to see the band guys and Ryan and met some great people. I also got to see a few chaperones of summers past. It was wonderful to see everyone. The boys on the band's staff seemed crazy. I laughed so hard! I also loved spending time with my friend Allison. I stayed w/ her church down the street from Fuge while they had a middle school retreat. Sand- sand is lame.

*I'm sick and woke myself up breathing last night. You can hear air whooosh through my chest. I just made up that word, "Whoosh"

*My friend Candace came to see me Thursday night. LOVE HER. We worked Fuge together in 2010 and I'm just so grateful for her loyalty and genuine love and encouragement. She's wonderful.

*Went to Atlanta this weekend to see my friend Allison again this weekend. Friday we had dinner with some of my friends from high school. It was a great time! Then saturday Allison had a game night at her house where we played Quelf... the world's most embarrassing game on the planet. seriously. go play it. it's ridiculous.

*And now, I'm back to work. Big week ahead. For those of you who don't know, my boss resigned, and this is his last week. So not only is my church senior pastorless, but we'll be without a youth pastor as well. The next few months could get interesting. I'm a little nervous, but trying to trust that the Lord has prepared us for this next chapter.

*Life is crazy! I was thinking about how I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to write.. to write the way I love to write, lately. Maybe once these kiddos head back to school, life will find a routine again... otherwise I'm going to disappear for a vacation and not tell anyone, and maybe not ever coming back. ;)

Re-FOCUS.

2011-07-17T23:35:00.003-04:00

Tough last few days. Finding rest in Him and trying not to be overwhelmed by it all. Much easier said than done though!

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' (Acts 17:24-29)

‎"Therefore since we have a great high priest

who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God,

let us hold fast our confession.

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses,

but One who has been tempted in all things as we are,

yet without sin.

So let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace,

so that we may receive mercy

and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4:14-16

“Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord,

and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee."

-Augustine

Your joy is mine,

yet why am I fine with all my singing and bringing grain,

in light of Him?

I wanna yearn for You.

I wanna burn with passion over You,

and only You.

Lord, I wanna yearn.

‎"Awaken what's inside of me, tune my heart to all You are, and even though You're here, God come. May the vision of You be the death of me, and even though You've given everything, Jesus come."

"God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better." Elisabeth Elliot

"Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God's story never ends with 'ashes." Elisabeth Elliot

You, God, are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you,

my whole being longs for you,

in a dry and parched land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Psalm 63

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.
“For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed.”
I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.

Texas in July- What on earth?!

2011-07-10T23:06:00.007-04:00

Last Saturday morning, I boarded a bus with my students for their choir tour/mission trip to Dallas/Ft. Worth. That is too long of a trip to make in a car twice in just a couple months, let alone on a bus full of teenagers. BUT we made it, eventually, and had a great week of seeing the Lord work.

My students did a great job singing at apartment churches, a homeless shelter, assisted living residences, and the veterans hospital. They also led vacation bible schools at 2 different apartment complexes. It was a blessing for me to watch them minister. They did an incredible job.

I absolutely loved the conversations I got to have, and the time I got to spend with them, and I'm grateful for some of those God given moments I had to connect with them on more intentional levels.

I also got to see my friends Lauren and Erin and really enjoyed the time I spent with them. Despite the 105 degree temps, I found myself missing Texas and wondering what it would be like to move back there someday.

For now, here are some pictures from the trip.

Aren't they just so cute?!

This little girl, Emily walked up to me at a concert and wanted to be friend.

Clearly from the picture, I wasn't so sure about it.

The crazy cousins.

Deedee, Meara, me, Heidi, and Chara at the banquet at Joe T's

I may or may not have started a Justin Bieber bus sing a long a few times on the trip

Don't hate. Look how happy everyone looks!

Someone had to entertain those kids on the long bus rides!

I found a creepy puppet, named him Herman, and chased little children around VBS

They loved it.

Katie, one of my seniors.

Glad that she's only going away to school in Nashville!

Danielle and me

I'll be so sad when she heads off to school in Mobile next month!

2011-07-01T02:41:00.003-04:00

13 years ago, a friends mom shared the Gospel with me, and though I'd heard it before, for some reason this time it sunk in and my life was forever changed. We were on a choir tour in Atlanta, and I had just finished my freshman year. I had been attending my Church back home for a year, and driving everyone crazy with my questions. They told me God is Love, God is in control, God is good... and I wanted answers.... why did this good and loving God, who controlled everything let little helpless girls die in tragic events... why did this all-knowing, all-powerful Being let grandfathers die from cancer when you begged Him to save them?

How do you explain God's sovereignty to a 14 year old? How do you explain that God doesn't want suffering in this world, but because of sin, and because of His great love for us, God allows it, so that we can see Him, even in the most desperate situations?

My heart was so hardened against Him. I wanted to believe in the Gospel that was being preached to me, but I just didn't think He could be trusted. After a year of fighting against Him, when my friend's mom approached me, I was exhausted from running. As she spoke of Jesus' love for me, I felt the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart, and knew I couldn't run anymore. In an instant, my life was changed, and I am forever grateful. Though I still had questions, instead of anger and resentment, I was filled with hope. There's a certain relief that comes with placing your trust in someone, and knowing in full confidence that they'll never hurt you.

It's hard to believe the journey the Lord has taken me on in the last 13 years, and the things He's allowed me to see and do, and the grace He continues to pour out on me everyday.

The Last Few Weeks.

2011-06-28T00:25:00.005-04:00

Whoa! Life has been crazy busy, and it's only going to get busier in the coming weeks. I leave on Saturday, for a week in Dallas/Ft. Worth with my students. I'm so excited to go back to one of my favorite cities, to see some of my favorite people, and to spend time with my students as we serve the Lord in the DFW area. It's going to be HOT, but I'm praying that the Lord works in big ways, and that He would soften the hearts of my students.

A few weeks ago, I hopped on our church bus, with mostly boys, and a few brave ladies, and headed to Atlanta for a Braves game. It was a lot of fun, even though I got picked on relentlessly by my students. I love them! They make me laugh, and are always trying to keep me humble.

I told them I wanted to get on the big screen like some of the others in our groups, and well...

I can't blame them for not trying

Some of my students

Heidi, Danielle, me

Micah, Houston, and Jessica

Fun people to watch baseball with!

Most of our Crew at the game!

Then this past weekend, Mary, Rebecca, and I headed for Memphis for my roommate Bethany's wedding. The weekend started rough, with us getting super lost in backwoods Alabama... but it ended on a sweet note, with a beautiful wedding and good friends. On trip, I was serenaded by a strange man, who sang a lovely rendition of The Little Mermaid's "Part of that World." Did I mention he was super loud? The place was super packed with strangers staring at us, and he had no problems with touching my face, and making me hold his hands, and creeper staring at me while he sang. Uh, I was bright red for sure! We also stopped by Graceland to check out Elvis's crib. My friend Rob from camp lives in Memphis and was brave enough to spend the day with 3 crazy girls! Graceland was fun... but depressing. AND I was ticked that they didn't let us upstairs. 31 bucks to see a living room? What the hey diddle diddle?! Oh well, I suppose I understand, out of respect for the family, but still... I was bummed.

Tacky Tourist Mary

Pshtt.... Forget "dangerous," Elvis (especially military Elvis) was hot

Mary, Rebecca, and I in front of Graceland, posing in front a giant line

of people looking at us like we were losers.

They were just jealous we were brave enough to break out of line for the pic.

Then, we went to Bethany and Kyle's beautiful wedding.

Rebecca's Date

Because all awesome wedding receptions have a stuffed polar bear and a shrunken head

Duh!

A little over 24 hours later, we were making the 6 hour drive back to home sweet home Chattanooga because we all had to be at church Sunday morning. It was a great weekend!

Now, its VBS/getting my apartment ready for my new roommate Addie to move here/packing for DFW week!

Fuge 2011

2011-06-11T20:45:00.006-04:00

So, after a week of camp, maybe the Lord knew what He was doing when it was decided that I wouldn't work camp this summer... I'm tired! I feel old! haha!

This past week, 29 of us, loaded up our church bus and headed to Union University for a week of Centrifuge. It was a wonderful week, and I'm excited to see how the Lord continues to work in the lives of those of us who attended camp. I was especially blessed by the friends from previous summers who are on Union's staff, and the ways they ministered to me. Chad (a fellow resident of Chattanooga) was our camp pastor, and he and I met waaay back in 2005, and then worked together in 2006. He's awesome, and he and his wife Hope are wonderful friends. Sara, Gina, and Zach and I worked together in 2008 out at Glorieta, and then Sarah and I worked together at Carson Newman last summer. Wonderful people!

Sara is the development director at Union, which is kind of like the 2nd in command. She's in charge of Bible studies, staff development, and customer service. She let me follow her around. I helped her out in the office a bit, and just laughed a lot with her. I even got to call churches coming to camp next week and remind them to turn in all their paperwork and answer questions they might have. It was funny. I accidentally told 1 youth pastor I was looking forward to meeting him next week! oops. Sara letting me tag along and hangout with her helped me feel a part of camp, when I was feeling pretty sad about not working. The staff probably thought I was a creeper chaperone, with how much time I spent in the office... they even let me tag along with them to eat late after Mega Relay. I loved that time with my friends though. I can't really begin to explain how refreshing it was to be with those people, and to meet new friends.

Sara, Zach, Gina, and me

Another Glorieta 2008 reunion

I LOVE the fact that in the past month, I've gotten to see so many people from that summer, and I love that no matter the time we've spent apart, because of Christ and what He brought us through in that summer together,

it's so easy to pick right up where we left off.

LOVE these people.

I cried a couple times, out of pure overwhelming sadness. I mean, it stinks not doing something that you really love. Fuge has had a huge impact in my life, and I'll always love it. I'm trying not to bemoan the fact that I don't get to work, and instead just be really thankful and excited I got to experience it with my kids. Oh gosh, my students are some hilarious people. It took awhile for them to open up, but the last few nights in church group devotions were precious to me. They shared what the Lord was doing in their lives, and my heart just overflowed with love for them. I had the opportunity to pray over many of them, and the Lord really worked in my heart during those moments.

The Lord worked on me during adult Bible study, and throughout worship this week too. One of the days was about relating to those who have hurt us. We talked about forgiveness in adult Bible study and holy crap... wasn't ready to deal with some feelings I had buried so deep, I didn't really even think I was struggling with anymore. Some of the conversations I had this week, definitely got my attention. Still processing some stuff...

It was a good week. Thankful for the time I got to spend with my students... and uh, I have some amazing adults that volunteer to love on our students. Couldn't have made it without them!

Jack, me, one of our chaperones (and a great friend) Lauren, and Haleigh

hanging out in the cafe before lunch one day.

With the adults out at rec, moments before one of the most awkward moments of my life

This initiative was always fun to watch my students do, but I definitely have a new perspective.

My wonderful friends on staff thought it would be hilarious to make me go up on stage the first morning to compete for "Group Leader of the Day" One of the guys next to me totally cheated. I was winning for most of that dumb game! I hurt my thumb, and found out that I stink at shooting rubber bands!

One of my newly graduated students, Danielle

So glad she was able to come to camp at the last minute

She, and our other roommate Katie definitely had a lot of laughs this week

They had fun picking on me, and making me feel awkward!

Love those girls, and I'm going to be so sad to see them go in the fall.

"And still He seeks the fellowship of His people and will send them both joy and sorrow to detach their hands from the things of this world and attach them to Himself’.” J.I. Packer

Lately...

2011-06-03T15:15:00.005-04:00

Summer time is here... and I have the tan lines to prove it!

Things have been so busy the last couple weeks, busy but good. The band is off to camp, and are already a week into training. I'm grateful that I've been so busy at work because it's made all these changes a little bit easier. Last Friday, I was a hot mess. I was sad that the boys were gone. I was jealous of all my friends who had left for camp. I was super depressed that for the first time since college, I wasn't packing up Big Red and heading for camp, myself. I cried a lot last Friday. ha. I'm a wimp.

Monday, my friends Rebecca, Mary, and I hungout at Mary's aunt's pool for Memorial Day, and then I went to a cookout with Jared and Olivia and Olivia's family. It was a great day.. minus all the mosquito bites I got! I'm so grateful for the community the Lord has blessed me with here in Chattanooga. It is so sad that Seth, Alex, Steve, and Drew are gone for the summer, but the Lord didn't take away some of my favorites without taking care of me. I have a great group of friends here.

Mary, me, and Rebecca at the Drive-In before the boys left for camp

*It should be noted that Pirates 4 is super lame.

Alex and Steve

Steve and me

Love this kid!

This week at work, I've been busy getting my students ready to go to Fuge on Monday. I'm sad I don't get a whole summer, but so grateful I get at least one week of Fuge goodness, and that I get to experience it with some of my favorite teenagers. It's going to be an incredible week at Union University, and I'm hopeful that the Lord will do big things in the lives of my students.

My wonderful administrative assistant, Stephanie had a BEAUTIFUL baby girl last week

Nora Grace

I was so excited to go to the hospital and see Steph and hold this cute little girl

I've felt a little lost in the office this week without the Answer Queen,

but I'm so happy for my friends Matt and Stephanie

This past Wednesday, we had a water themed Summer Kickoff... which included water balloons, water guns, snow cones, cotton candy, popcorn, pink lemonade, an inflatable slip and slide, and an inflatable waterslide. I was a little worried about the inflatables, but they were actually really fun. I think my students enjoyed the night. I definitely laughed a lot! Love those kids, and not working camp might be sad, but I'm looking forward to spending the summer with these people.

The slip n slide

I didn't try it out, for fear that I would bust my butt running up to it

Dont let this picture fool you, that joker was serious

Danielle, one of my newly graduated students, and I test it out.

We were a little scared.

Houston is that student that I know the Lord gave me

as payback to any and every youth worker/minister that ever had to deal with me as a teenager

Will, he's got cotton candy in one hand, and a water balloon in the other:

A middle schoolers dream come true

Alyssa, Kayla, me and Danielle

Some of my high school girls

Tonight, I've got a group of high school girls coming over for a sleepover. It should be fun. :) At some point, I'll have to pack for camp! We leave early Monday. Please pray for us!

2011-06-01T15:19:00.002-04:00

I'm thinking about quitting Facebook for the summer, but I wonder if I might die. I'm just not sure I have the self control. If self control were something I'm gifted at, I would be skinny. I'm just sayin.

2011-05-28T02:06:00.001-04:00

2011-05-26T19:30:00.003-04:00

I hope no one reads too far in to me posting this song! haha. It's Gavin DeGraw's most recent single. So excited for his new album at the end of the summer. I think he is just lovely.. and every time I hear his music, I think about my move back home from Dallas, and how I listened to his album the entire 20+ hour drive. He's one of my favorite musicians.

2011-05-26T00:10:00.002-04:00

When I lived in Dallas, I had the opportunity to meet a girl named Jan who worked Fuge with a mutual friend of ours, and then in 2009 we saw eachother again at Program Training. I was so nervous about being on leadership, and Jan, who barely knew me, sat at dinner and was so nice, and encouraging about the summer I had ahead. She immediately friended me on facebook, which is of course, the pinnacle of friendship, and promised to pray for me. :) I hadn't seen or talked to her since then....

Today, my newsfeed was blowing up on facebook. Jan suddenly passed away earlier this morning. I didn't know Jan very well, but I know a lot of people that worked with this Fuge veteran, who are hurting upon hearing the news. I went to her facebook page though, and read some of the sweet comments her friends and family are saying about her. Wow, I wish I had had the opportunity to work with her. What a legacy of love and encouragement she has left... people are absolutely confident she's "dancing with Jesus" today. It's incredible. She was incredible.

Pray for Jan's family in Trinidad and those close to her, and for the Fuge world who lost a beloved member of its family today, and praise Him for the work He used her to accomplish during her short time here on this earth. In the midst of sorrow, we can trust that He is in control.

Nashville Trip

2011-05-24T11:52:00.007-04:00

It's no secret that my favorite summer working Fuge was in 2008 when I was out in New Mexico at Glorieta. Maybe it was being in the midst of the beautiful mountains, the no humidity, my incredible Bible study groups, and the fact that I got to see bears. Mostly though, I think it was my staff. There were close to 40 of us, from all over the country, that came together to serve the Lord and love on students during their week of Fuge.

The night we celebrated Christmas in downtown Santa Fe

Not gonna lie, singing Christmas carols in July, in a very public place, in matchy t-shirts,

was one of the most embarrassing things I've had to do as a part of a Fuge staff! :)

Before 2008, there was this joke among Fuge veterans called "The Glorieta Curse." Let's just say, there had been some rough summers in the years prior. Knowing this, we were determined to make it a great summer... and it was.

This past Sunday, after church, I ran home real quick, packed a bag and headed to Nashville. My director (and wonderful friend) from that summer, Jeremy, was going to be in town on his birthday (Monday) and some of us were getting together to celebrate him. I hadn't seen Jeremy in a couple years, and so I was so excited to spend time with him, and with the other Fuge staffers that came for the party. In all, there were 9 of us there, I think, from my summer out at Glorieta, and it was such a sweet time together. At the end of camp, you get hit with that thought of, "wow, this entire group of us will likely never be back together again," but it's those little mini reunions that keep those memories so vivid in our minds.

The birthday boy, Jeremy, and me back in 2008

At our staff appreciation dinner.

Love him!

Jeremy, as "JAW Man," duh!

We laughed about the crazy stuff that happened in our 7 weeks of camp, and we laughed about the things we did together as a staff, we sang pop music together like we did in '08, and just enjoyed one of those moments that, though we hadn't seen eachother in awhile, it felt like hardly any time had passed at all. By far, my favorite part of the night was when we were getting ready to break up the party, and Jeremy asked if we could pray together. As a group, Jeremy led us in a prayer for the things going on in our lives, the members of our staff that weren't present, but are still very much in our hearts, the different Fuge camps our former team members are working at, and the ones we'll be taking our students to as youth ministers. Above all, we praised God for being the reason for our friendship. It was Him who brought us together, and our love for Him that keeps our partnership in the Gospel growing strong.

I love those people so much and am so incredibly blessed to still be able to call so many of them my friends. I learned so much from that staff, and a lot of them continue to pour into my life. It doesn't make sense that so many people, with so many different stories would connect the way that we did, except to say that the Lord's hand was on our summer together at Glorieta. It was definitely a summer that changed our lives.

Summer Time

2011-05-16T14:07:00.002-04:00

Dude, it's official, I'm a Belieber. I'm a little slow to join the crowd, but I just can't help it. Last night, after the prompting of some of my middle school girls, I watched Justin Bieber's movie "Never Say Never" and oh goodness, I can't help it... this girl's got Bieber Fever. I think my fever is a little bit different from some of my middle schoolers, as he's a little young for me to be madly in love with... buuuut he is a cute little Jesus loving Canadian who makes these little 12 year old girls the happiest people on the planet. I mean, I even cried a couple times... the same kind of crying I do when I watch Extreme Home Makeover and junk like that. Judge on people, but I liked it. You should watch it.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. My friends and I got together to hangout for Seth's birthday, and had a cookout. My throat hurt so much by Saturday night from all the laughing I did this weekend. Man, my friends are funny people. There were only about 10 of us there at Seth's party on Friday, but eventually we had to move inside from the back porch because we were surely laughing loud enough to annoy the neighbors. Saturday, my friends Candace and Jenny came in from Nashville. More laughter ensued. It was great to see them, and spend time with them before Cando heads off to camp in New Mexico for the summer.

And alas, camp season is upon us. I'm experiencing a kind of sadness that I've never experienced before. After 6 summers of working Fuge, having the best summers, ministering to students and meeting amazing people, I'm finding myself saying goodbye to my friends as they head off for incredible summers, leaving me behind. My summer here is going to be great, I'm just a little sad... and by a little, I mean super depressed. Here in Chattanooga, there will be a Seth Medley Band shaped hole in my heart as the boys head off to Panama City to lead worship there. I can't wait to hear their stories, and how the Lord uses them this summer, but I cant help but be sad that they won't be here, or that I wont be there in Panama too. Trusting that the Lord has so much in store for all of us this summer though.

I am hardcore... and when I'm not, at least I've got Justin Bieber, and a great group of girlfriends I'm excited to spend time with this summer.

B.U.S.Y.

2011-05-11T23:26:00.000-04:00

Today was BUSY.

It was like a million degrees in Chattanooga as well, so I learned about 5 minutes into my day outside of my apartment, that straight hair was a bad idea. Very bad.

Tonight at my church we had Parents' Night, where students were encouraged to invite their parents to see what we do on Wednesday nights. It's a little misleading because we invited a band and guest speaker, so it wasn't anything like a Wednesday night, but it was still fun. There was a lot of set up today though, and I felt like I was running around a lot.

Of course I asked the boys in the Seth Medley Band to come lead us in worship. My students seem to really like them, and so of course I want them to come back as much as they're able. Then we asked my friend Chad to come preach for us. Chad is going to be our camp pastor at Fuge this summer, and the boys are leading in Panama City this summer... so we had a happy, mock Fuge night.

It was great.

I always get stressed out the day of events. I couldn't sleep last night at all, and I thought for sure they'd never get all their stuff set up in time, or we wouldn't finish at the right time or blah blah blah. I need to not worry the way that I do.

The band was great, and I was grateful for another chance to sing with them before they leave for camp, and Chad was awesome. I had forgotten just how funny he is.

Before I left, I had two students tell me they wanted to come to camp with us, and another one text me. I'm so excited. We're going to have a great group of students at camp this summer.... and its less than a month away! I can't wait.

Day 42

2011-05-10T15:11:00.000-04:00

Day 42 - A picture of your dream house.

2011-05-09T11:28:00.002-04:00

This weekend was a fun one indeed.

On Friday, I went to my friend Rebecca's pinning ceremony for graduation from UTC's nursing program. Rebecca is a smarty, and so I'm quite proud of her and her accomplishment. All the blood and guts, throw up and poop just isn't really something I feel like I could ever deal with. Rebecca has worked so hard, in the midst of planning a wedding, carrying out that wedding, and then learning to navigate the new waters of marriage...along with having a job, and a life. She takes her NCLEX test sometime this summer, and I know she'll do great. She's going to be a great nurse. She pours so much of her heart and love into supporting her husband Alex's music ministry, and I'm just so excited for her to feel like her work is a ministry of its own. I know she'll do an incredible job showing love and compassion to her patients and to the other nurses she works with, all the while, pointing them to Jesus. Congratulations, Rebecca!

I honestly can't really remember much about Saturday. I don't think I did too much.

Last night was super fun. I didn't have small groups, and so some of my friends when to the drive in movie theater out in the middle of nowhere Georgia. We saw "Thor" and "True Grit" and though I was ill-prepared (I'll do better next time... more blankets, pillows, etc), it was still a lot of fun. I'd never been to a drive-in before, but loved the experience. The stars were beautiful and I thoroughly enjoyed the company of my friends.

Summer is fast approaching. Things are going to start getting super busy here soon! This Friday, my friend Mary and I are throwing a little get together for Seth's birthday, and a going away party for the band before they depart for camp. I'm trying not to think about how sad it makes me that the boys are leaving for the summer......... but I'm definitely sad. I know I'll be super busy, and the time will pass quickly, it will just be hard that most of my closest friends here will be gone, AND that for the first time in 7 summers, I wont be at Fuge.

Oh man....

It's going to be a good summer though, just different.

Day 41

2011-05-07T18:02:00.000-04:00

Day 41 - A picture of your pet.

no pets. sad day.

Day 40

2011-05-06T17:56:00.003-04:00

Day 40 A picture of your favorite disney character

Day 39

2011-05-05T01:00:00.000-04:00

Day 39- A picture of your favorite movie

Day 38

2011-05-04T01:00:00.003-04:00

Day 38 - A picture of the best part of your day.

I love sleeping.

Day 37

2011-05-03T01:26:00.000-04:00

Day 37 - A picture of the people you spend most of your time with.

Duh! Even Kaylyn is in there since I spend skype time with her almost everyday. My homies.

Day 36

2011-05-02T01:00:00.000-04:00

Day 36 - A picture of your ‘other half'.

Thankful

2011-04-29T00:04:00.002-04:00

So, yesterday was one of the scariest days of my life! Unless you live under a rock, you know that crazy storms, filled with lots of tornadic (learned that word this week) activity, swept across the south yesterday. I woke up around 9am to ferocious wind, followed shortly thereafter with a text from my roommate asking if I was awake and in a safe place.

Uh, no, but I sure as heck will be.

So, I jumped into my closet with my laptop to check the weather. The power was out at the church by then, so I knew I wasn't going to work yesterday... so I settled in to wait out the storm. The weather men were predicting 3 separate pockets of storms, all of which would be worse than the one before.

The 9am one... that was enough to get schools to start early dismissal, and knock down trees on top of houses. By 9am, there were people in Chattanooga whose lives had drastically changed in just minutes. It was so eerie afterward, as the sun was shining and the temperature high, knowing that "round 2" was just a few hours away. My roommate got home around 11:45, but by 2:00 the weather turned scary again. Bethany and I hid in my bathroom when the weather men told us that tornadoes had been spotted in our (very large) county. We were scared... but thankfully the tornado warning ended and we were still safe.

We hid in the bathroom 3 or 4 different times yesterday, sometimes for up to 45 minutes, during the 2 afternoon/evening rounds of storms. Each time, getting more and more worried that good ole mother nature was not joking around and we would be sucked out of our 3rd floor apartment. After each tornado warning, we'd turn on the news (because somehow we kept power all day) and sat shocked, looking at the devastation in different parts of Chattanooga and the surrounding areas.

Alex and Rebecca lost power so after the final storm hit late last night, and the weather men gave us the all clear to come out of hiding, they came over to spend the night, and recharge their cell phones. When they got to my apartment, they told me that our friend Drew (the drummer in the Seth Medley Band) had been at his parents' house with his mom, dad, and sister when a tornado came through. They hid in the bathroom, and when they came out, their house was pretty much destroyed around them. Somehow, miraculously, the room they were in had kept them safe, while everything else around them was destroyed. The fence in their backyard was gone and their roof was in their backyard! So scary!

I have friends in Tuscaloosa (who are all safe), another friend who lost their house in Alabama (but was at someone else's house, and is safe), a friend who is waiting to hear about missing friends and whose hometown is one of the towns that was completely torn apart. It's so strange... it's totally fine in my part of Chattanooga, but other parts look like a war zone. Sirens screaming by, sounds chainsaws and the smell of fresh cut trees is heavy in the air, trash is everywhere after being tossed by the wind, trees and limbs and leaves are in the streets, while once tall trees stand snapped in half like twigs. It's so surreal.

I have so much to be grateful for. The Lord kept my friends and me safe yesterday, and I am so thankful to Him for His mercy. How hopeless those without Him must feel? Seeing footage of the tornados that swept through Chattanooga and that beast of a tornado from Tuscaloosa, and I cant help but wonder how people can not believe that there is Something greater out there. I'm praying that this kind of tragedy causes people to turn TO Him and not away.

Tonight at CRU we sang a song that said, "You won't relent until You have it all. My heart is Yours"--- He's here, trying to get our attention, knowing that when we come face to face with Him, we can't help but worship God, trembling, knowing that in His all-powerfulness, capable to do anything He please, He's close enough to know us personally. He was in control yesterday, and I'm grateful that even though I don't understand a lot of it, I can trust in His sovereignty.

God IS good, ALL THE TIME.

He causes His wind to blow and the waters to flow. Psalm 147:18

Then Job answered the LORD and said,

"I know that You can do all things,

And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.

'Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?'

"Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand,

Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."

'Hear, now, and I will speak;

I will ask You, and You instruct me.'

"I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear;

But now my eye sees You;

Therefore I retract,

And I repent in dust and ashes."

Job 42:1-6

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth; Yours is the dominion, O LORD, and You exalt Yourself as head over all."Both riches and honor come from You, and You rule over all, and in Your hand is power and might; and it lies in Your hand to make great and to strengthen everyone."Now therefore, our God, we thank You, and praise Your glorious name.

1 Chronicles 29:11-13

Day 35

2011-04-27T01:00:00.000-04:00

Day 35 - A picture of your favorite place to eat.

I cannot think of one place I'd want to commit to saying is my favorite place to eat. Sorry kids. I just can't do it. My favorite place to eat is 1. somewhere where my friends are eating. 2. someplace that has good textures I can eat with my lapband (no pizza, subs, pastas). There was once a time where my love of food would have dominated this question, but eh, now it's whatever. It's way easier for me to state my least favorite places:

Krystal (BARF!), Steak n Shake, and Subway :)

Lessons from Ruth

2011-04-26T13:10:00.003-04:00

I'm studying the book of Ruth with some of my girlfriends here in Chattanooga. We're doing a 6 week study, and we're nearing the end of the book. This week is kicking my butt.

Just wanted to share a little bit from it (the study is by Kelly Minter)...

"One of the main characteristics of serving false gods is that we must constantly downgrade our expectations of them. We start with high hopes and dreams that a certain idol will deliver happiness, excitement, and well-being to our lives; but because a false god is false by its very nature, our expectations must continually be lowered until we're in total bondage to something that doesn't even resemble anything close to what we had originally hoped. But not so with the one true God. With Him we find the opposite. The more we get to know Him, the more we trust and serve Him, the more our expectations ascend and our realities bloom."

Isaiah 43:1-3

But now, thus says the Lord,

your Creator, O Jacob,

And He who formed you, O Israel,

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name;

you are Mine!

When you pass through the waters,

I will be be with you;

And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be scorched,

now will the flame burn you.

For I am the LORD your God,

The Holy One of Israel,

your Savior."

Redeemed: To pay off. To set free. To save. To restore honor.

He knows my name... He calls me by name. He doesn't just know my name, He notices me, He speaks to me. To Him, I am enough. I try very hard to live up to the expectations of others, or to make my name known... often forgetting that the One that matters most already knows me intimately. He created me, and redeemed me, despite my past and future failings. Letting go of idols can be so painful, but not when you recognize the greatness of the god that truly belongs on that throne in your life... my Savior. Hope springs new...

Boaz, chose to take Ruth as his wife, knowing that it would not be for his name, but their first son would preserve the name of her former father in law (Naomi's husband) Elimilech... but in the end, Boaz was given a blessing over his name. "His sacrificial redemption of Naomi and Ruth proved to make a lasting name for him as long as Scripture endures."

Jesus said, "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."

"Laying down our lives for others, for the sake of Jesus, is never wasted. No matter how quiet, how humble, how thankless, God is making a name for you- one that will last an eternity."

Trying to keep a Kingdom perspective these days, and seeking to glorify Jesus, instead of the idols that keep creeping in, or the desire to make my name known.

Christ is Risen!

2011-04-24T22:05:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter or Resurrection Sunday or whatever you want to call it. I hope you had a great day with friends and family worshipping our risen Savior!

This morning I went to church, and enjoyed spending time with my students, and worshipping with my church family. I mean, you can't beat traditional hymns like "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" and "Up from the Grave" :) Haha. Let's just say its been a very long time since I've celebrated Easter in such a traditional setting. It really was great. Our choir is so good, and I would totally be a part of it if they didn't have practice on Wednesday nights!

Then after lunch I went over to the Standifer's house. Danielle is one of my seniors, and both her parents are faithful volunteers, and her older sister has been a friend to me in a new place. They are such a great family, and I am SO GRATEFUL for them. Today would have been so sad being away from my family, were it not for this sweet family inviting me to be a part of theirs. Debbie even had an Easter bag for me. So nice! The meal was delicious, but the encouragement and laughter was even better. They truly are a godsend to me here in Chattanooga.

After hanging out for a little bit, I headed over to a baptist church here in town, Mountain Creek. Mountain Creek is the charter church for Red Bank, which I think is awesome. Its a really small church, but the Lord has been doing some great things there. My friend AT and Andy lead worship and stuff there on Sunday mornings, and they planned this big block party for this evening. Andy asked me to sing with a band he was putting together. The guys in the band had gotten together and played on Monday, but I was in Texas, so today was the first time I'd met most of them, and sang with them. I was so nervous! When I sing with the SMB, I usually know what to expect and I know these guys, so its not as scary... but today I had to say a bunch of prayers for courage. :)

It ended up being great. The church is situated on a great piece of property, and a TON of people drove by, rolled down their windows to check out what was going on. Their pastor said a lot of the people there were guests. I just hope that it helped show the community that Mountain Creek is still there, alive and well, and doing the Lord's work. I hope it was a great time of fellowship and encouragement to its congregation.

And now, I'm even more sunburned and tired than I was when I woke up this morning, but it was a great day. Ending it by singing songs about Jesus and leading others in worship was a huge blessing, and a great reminder of the hope that is Christ.

Good Friday

2011-04-23T02:18:00.003-04:00

Tonight, my friends Alex, Rebecca, Seth, and I drove to Atlanta for a Good Friday service put on by Passion City Church. There were 12,000 of us in the Verizon amphitheater, and it was awesome. Chris Tomlin, Christy Nockels, and Kristian Stanfill led worship, and Louie Giglio preached a great message.

As Kristian Stanfill sang,

‎"Trouble surrounds me, chaos abounding, my soul will rest in You. I will not fear the war. I will not fear the storm. My help is on the way. Oh my God, He will not delay. My refuge and strength always. I will not fear. His promise is true. My God will come through always.. always."

pictures from Japan's earthquake played behind the lyrics on the big screens.

It was heart breaking, and convicting. Would I, if that were my home, my loved ones, still be able to confidently sing those words out?

Then Louie Giglio preached from Colossians and from Psalm 148. He spoke about how all of creation is crying out, in a symphony, in worship of the Creator of the universe... and how Jesus created it all...it was created BY Jesus and FOR Jesus.

One of his most popular sermons is called Indescribable. In it, he talks about his love for astronomy. So tonight, he took one of the stars he talked about in that sermon, and played the sound it was making in space as it rotated a bajillion times a minute. It sounds like this crazy galloping sound. Then he played another star's sound, and it was much slower paced. Then he played the sound of whales singing (because in the Psalm it talks about sea creatures).... anyway, he busted out his ipad and did this mashup of all these things from creation. He put them all together and then asked if the song they made sounded familiar. Then he started playing, with the sounds of the stars and animals, Chris Tomlin's "How Great is Our God." It mashed up almost perfectly. We started singing along, and eventually he turned off Chris Tomlin's song on his ipad and it was just us in the audience, singing with the song of creation. It's hard to describe in a blog, but it was an incredible moment.

The whole universe is a symphony.

He hears it all. The stars and their sounds. Every whale swimming in the ocean. Boulders falling from the place they've sat for hundreds of years. Every wave crashing in to the shore. Babies crying, people laughing. He hears it all. It was all created BY Him and FOR Him.

Then Louie talked about how, even in the midst of creation groaning out, crying out in a symphony for Him, He created us all, special, unique... He knows all of our names and every single thing there is to know about us. He made every person, and yet as individuals, He made us with a specific purpose, and unique to all the rest of creation... then, to set humanity apart even more, he gave us the stamp of being made in His image.

When Louie broke it down from the stars, all the way to the quiet popping sound a flower makes before blooming, it was quite profound to be reminded that He hears our cries.

Then he said, perhaps the greatest sound came when Jesus, on the cross, mustered up the last bit of strength He had left in His lungs to cry out, "It is finished."

Sin is finished.

Death is finished.

Guilt is finished.

Shame is finished.

Self righteousness is finished.

"Consider the length God went to to put your voice in the symphony."

"He has rescued us from the power of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation; for in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or powers—all things have been created through him and for him. He himself is before all things, and in him all things hold together. He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that he might come to have first place in everything. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him God was pleased to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of his cross. And you who were once estranged and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his fleshly body through death, so as to present you holy and blameless and irreproachable before him— provided that you continue securely established and steadfast in the faith, without shifting from the hope promised by the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven."

Colossians 1:13-23

It's Good Friday... though darkness may surround you, remember, Sunday is coming!

Day 34

2011-04-23T01:00:00.000-04:00

Day 34 - A picture of your currently most played CD.

Day 33

2011-04-22T01:54:00.000-04:00

Day 33 - A picture of the house you grew up in.
Thanks google maps!

This was our house in South Carolina.

I lived there from 1st-4th grade, while my dad was stationed in Augusta, GA.

This is my parent's house in Virginia.

We moved there when I was in the 5th grade.

Day 32

2011-04-21T01:37:00.003-04:00

Day 32 - A picture of a crazy night.

New Kids on the Block!

Thousands of 25-35ish year olds, some of whom still trying to squish into the same t-shirt their moms bought them when they were 12 (not pretty!).. only this time, those 12 year olds were grown women, over the legal drinking age. People watching those drunk crazies, singing NKOTB tunes of their yesteryears, was almost as much fun as the concert itself... until I saw Jordan Knight's hot muscles, and that trumped everything. :)

When I got the text that Stacy had gotten us tickets, I was in Glorieta, NM, on the rec field debriefing a rec intiative. It was a serious moment, as I was explaining the spiritual application of something we'd just done. At camp, we're told to keep our phones on us, in case something happens. So, I glanced down at my phone when it vibrated, to make sure it wasn't our director telling me something... and I screamed. I couldn't help it. I was so excited.

It was such a fun night, and I got to meet a new, and wonderful friend Meghan.

A few short months later, we would recreate the wonderful nostalgia of reliving our younger years, and went to see Britney Spears in the same arena!

Crazy night.

Legacy

2011-04-20T13:05:00.003-04:00

Monday was a super long day. The drive back from Dallas felt a million times longer than the drive there. Seth and I took turns driving, but still, my car is so not comfortable after about the 5th hour. Chattanooga was a beautiful sight to behold at 2am when we finally rolled in to town.

Yesterday, I went to a funeral of the grandmother of one of my students (her parents are also faithful volunteers). She was older, and sick. She loved the Lord though, and so in the midst of people's sadness that someone they love was now gone, there was joy and peace in knowing she was no longer in pain and with her Savior.

Listening to her eulogy, and hearing about the legacy she left, it made me miss my own grandmothers. All 4 of my grandparents have passed away, and when I think about how my children (assuming I have some of those jokers) will never get to experience the love of their great grandparents, it makes me sad. My grandmothers were incredible ladies.

My Grandma Jeanne was a funny lady. I didn't always "get" her, but in retrospect, I think it's because she was a lot like my mom. haha. She sure loved us though, and her sense of humor cracked me up. When I think about my grandma Jeanne, it's actually her laugh that I hear in my head. She was always the grandmother that lived the closest, and I took that for granted. She passed away so suddenly, and it was really sad, but I remember her funeral so vividly. I was still incredibly young in my faith. I had just become a Christian a month or two before, and I refused to cry. I remember telling myself that I knew my grandma jeanne loved Jesus, and so I knew she was in a better, happier place... and that if I really believed what I said I believed, then I shouldn't be sad. Of course, that was ridiculous... I was allowed to be sad that she was gone, sad that my grandpa was alone, sad for my mom, sad for our loss BUT it was one of those moments that did force me to really ask myself if I really believed God is who he says he is. I grew in my faith because of her.

My Grandma Bostelman was awesome. She lived in Ohio, and so it was always a full days trip to go see her. Nothing compares to that feeling of turning on to Studebaker Rd. knowing that in just a few minutes we'd be pulling into my grandparents long driveway, greeted first by their big dog, and seconds later wrapped up into one of my grandma's big hugs. I think I get my realist attitude from my grandma Bostelman. She was the mom of 4 boys (plus my Aunt Beth Ann) and she was a tough lady, brought up on a farm. She worked hard, and served others. She was kind, and caring, funny, and honest. She also died really suddenly, one summer while I was working Fuge. What a terrible phone call to get when you're surrounded by people who have only known you a short amount of time. When she passed, I couldn't hold back the tears. It was one of the biggest shocks ever, and my family was heart broken. My Grandma Bostelman was one of the most incredible women this world has ever known, and when she passed away, so did one of my greatest spiritual examples. She was Christ to those around her in how she lived her life, and loved by so many.

As I listened to this grandmother's eulogy yesterday, I thought about mine. I thought about how the matriarchs of my family were godly women, who loved unconditionally, and laughed often. I thought about the legacy they left behind, and how you can see it being lived out in their children and grandchildren, and I thought about how grateful I am to have known them and to be loved by them. I wonder what my legacy will be, what people will say about me after I'm gone...

Day 31

2011-04-20T01:37:00.000-04:00

Day 31 - A picture of a tradition you have.

I wish I had a picture of my sisters and me on Christmas morning when we were little girls. Every year, we would load up our station wagon or van (and nowadays its my dad's car) about to head to church for the Christmas Eve service. It never failed, every year, my dad would forget the car keys or my mom would forget her purse, and have to run back inside while we waited in the car. We'd go to church, and come back to the house, preparing for a night of little sleep, as the anticipation of Santa was just too stinkin much for me to handle. It never failed though... every year we would get home, and Santa would have stopped by while we were gone, leaving matching night gowns, or PJs for my sisters and me.

The next morning, Im sure we looked adorable opening our gifts in our matching PJs.

Because their middle daughter (me), hates change, Santa still stops by while we're at church... but our PJs dont typically match eachother's, and they somehow are the exact ones that we told mom we liked. Strange huh?

Day 30

2011-04-19T00:36:00.000-04:00

Day 30- A picture of someone you miss.

I miss a lot of people, so I'll pick the two that are the least accessible to me currently...

I miss Jessica like crazy.

She's deployed to Afghanistan right now, and I am counting down the days until she's home safe, and back as a regular part of my life. She's obviously still very much a part of my life, but its more difficult when she's deployed. Apparently quality internet connection just isn't priority over there. ;) I'm so proud of her and grateful for the sacrifice she's made to serve our country, but I sure will be crazy happy when she's home, and long deployments are way behind us.

Mary!

I miss Mary like crazy. I'll still be driving sometimes, and reach for my phone to call her, forgetting she's in a place where cell phone reception just aint happening. I miss her. I'm jealous of her. I wish I was in Sudan with her. I'm proud of her, humbled by her, and learning from her...even while she's gone. She is so missed, but I wont wish this time for her to go faster because of my selfishness. Praying that this year changes her life, gives her clarity and direction, and purpose... and a story to tell others. Love her, miss her, but so stinkin happy for her.

DFW

2011-04-18T01:44:00.003-04:00

Well, my trip to Dallas is winding down. Sad day! This weekend has been so much fun, and I'm so glad that I decided to come last minute.

On Friday, I drove from Ft. Worth (where Katie and Ryan live) into Dallas to see my sweet friend Mary from seminary. Mary is amazing. Plain and simple. She is one of the most hilarious and encouraging friends I have... the kind of person that doesn't just see the good in people, but she tells them right then and there when she sees something positive in them. When we were in school, my roommates were all out with their loverboys (whom they all married), and Mary calls me and is like, "Molly, you're not going to be sad tonight. We're going to have fun tonight!" Next thing I know, she shows up with 3 of our hilarious guy friends, and we laughed and acted crazy... my roommate came in to all of us slow dancing to boys II men in the dark. She and I would get together every other week or so and pray together, usually at chick fil a. She was one of the very few people I told about my surgery, and came over to sit with me the day I came home from the hospital, to make sure I was ok. She's incredible. I'm so glad we got to spend some good time together this week.

Then that night, my friend Lauren (another friend from Dallas) and my friend Erin (who is from the Dallas area, but worked at my church at home for a little bit before moving back), came to Ft. Worth and had dinner with Seth, Ryan, Katie, and me. Oh goodness.. it made me happy to have friends from all these different chapters in my life laughing and having fun together, and it was so so soooo good to see Lauren and Erin.

Saturday, two of my camp friends from Glorieta in 2008 drove in from Waco to see me. Allison and Dinah. They're hilarious people, and we had a good time laughing together. I hadn't seen Allison since program training in 2009, so its been awhile!! Dinah is always funny. It meant so much to me that they would make the drive so we could hangout. Love those girls.

Today, we went to church at the Warren's church here in Ft. Worth... Fellowship Church. It was great, and I really enjoyed seeing where Ryan and Katie attend, and all the great stuff they've got going on there. After that we went to some restaurant where they brought out nachos bigger than the table, almost putting us into a food coma.. Then my friend Winders came and picked me up for coffee. Ryan (Winders) and I worked camp in 2007, and so it was so good to see him today too!

So many reunions. So much laughing.

*I didn't get to see a few people that I wanted to, but there just isn't enough time in 3 days. Boo! BUT thankfully, we're bringing our students here in July for their choir tour.. I hope I'll get to sneak away a little bit.

*I did happen to watch more nascar than ever before... which I completely don't understand. I mean really.. if you're pushing a car forward, how will you ever come in first place?! Seth tried to explain it to me, but I just don't get it. These crazies that go to these races are sitting around, drinking beer, and hoping cars crash. AND if there's a crash, they pull a caution flag and everyone has to start back together again?! So if you were like super far ahead, and people crash, then your lead is pretty much over?! seriously, someone explain this mess to me. Its so dumb!

*Jersey Shore.. seriously?! It's addicting. I can't help it. So many new phrases added to my vocabulary.

*I miss Dallas and the people that I love who live here. I should move back.

*Ryan wasn't kidding... his dog is pretty much amazing.

*Now... tomorrow, Seth and I get to drive 12 hours home. Not excited, at all. I might cry.

Such a good weekend. Maybe I'll come back again next weekend.

Day 29

2011-04-18T00:34:00.000-04:00

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.

ha! look at Noah's face!

So cute, and hilarious!

Day 28

2011-04-17T00:26:00.002-04:00

Day 28: A picture of something you're afraid of.

Day 27

2011-04-16T00:32:00.000-04:00

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

me and my daddy the day before my seminary graduation,

and clearly before I'd lost any weight from my surgery.

Day 26

2011-04-15T00:29:00.000-04:00

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Although this is more of someones rather than something, but Stacy and Mary mean a lot to me- for shizzle. I'd die without them. :)

2011-04-14T20:00:00.002-04:00

Holla! So, last night I didn't get any sleep.

None.

Ok, maybe, literally like 15 minutes. I had just fallen asleep around 3, and these crazy people in my apartment complex start yelling at each other in the parking lot. Obviously, I did what any normal American would do... contemplated opening my window and telling them to kindly be quiet, in a not so kind way, but then decided people watching was a much better option. So I watched and waited for the police to come... because obviously, someone was bound to call them.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I was waking up at 4 anyway.. because my homie and Seth and I drove to Texas today!!!

13 hours (lunch and gas stops included), more country music stations than I ever knew existed in this country (thanks to seth), lots of miles, 2 tanks of gas, and some sleepy ridiculous moments, we're in Ft. Worth, to see our friends Ryan and Katie, and of course I'm super excited to see my friends from my time here in seminary. It was a last minute decision trip for me, but I am way excited to be here for sure! Having lots of fun already.

First night- reuniting with tex mex.

Day 25

2011-04-14T02:03:00.000-04:00

Day 25- A picture of your day.

Well, I may not get to see them EVERYDAY, but usually my day consists of me doing something having to do with these wonderful people!

Day 24

2011-04-13T01:56:00.000-04:00

Day 24 A picture of something you wish you could change

Well, ending poverty sounds awesome.

Day 23

2011-04-12T01:48:00.001-04:00

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

I love reading!

"The Giving Tree" actually became one of my favorite books as an adult.

I love it.

I cry every time.

Then I flip it over and scream because the author's picture on the back is freaking scary!

This book (and all of Piper's books) is stinkin awesome!

Seriously.. easiest read of all his books, but packed with some amazing goodness.

Go, read it now.

It took me 2 hours.

This book messed me up.

I read this book in 5th grade and cried my eyes out when my teacher asked me to summarize it, and give my thoughts. I sat at her little lima bean shaped reading table and cried like a baby while she handed me tissues and cried with me.

12 years later, I would sit in my apartment, in my room in Dallas with Ashley, from that same 5th grade class, who was now a seminary friend and roommate, and read a chapter a week to help unwind from the hard classes we were taking. We cried like crazy 25 year olds.

Some things never change.

Great book.

Day 22

2011-04-11T01:44:00.000-04:00

Day 22- A picture of something you wish you were better at.

I'm great at being bossy and opinionated. I'm great at telling people how to fix their problems.

Sometimes, I know I need to do a better job of just listening.

Listening to people, and being slow to speak.

Listening to people and being content with not having all the answers to respond with.

Listening to God when he's telling me to do (or not to do) something.

Listening to friends when they're trying to speak truth in to my life.

Listening. I need to be a better listener.

day 21

2011-04-11T00:14:00.002-04:00

Day 21- Something you wish you could forget.

I wish I could forget the lyrics to oh happy day. i hate that song, and singing it almost every morning at camp was torture to my soul.

Day 20

2011-04-09T01:39:00.000-04:00

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.

The Holy Land

And I'd want it to be a big huge super nerdy academic trip.

Day 19

2011-04-08T01:28:00.000-04:00

Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.

My sister Sarah, me and our next door neighbor, Nichelle

I was probably in 5th grade here

Me, Sarah, and Erin

Day 18

2011-04-07T01:22:00.000-04:00

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Satan's biggest lie in my life, "you're good, but not good enough."

Lame.

This post is a downer.

Lets counterbalance it by directing you to the right of your screen where you can see pictures of so many of the people in my life that love me like crazy, and help fill me with confidence when I'm believing that lie.

Day 17

2011-04-06T01:18:00.000-04:00

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

I've been dreading this post. I'm lame. I can't think of anything.

I think that means that I need to be living with a little more purpose... reading more, listening more, talking to different people more.

Convicted.

Day 16

2011-04-05T08:00:00.000-04:00

Day 16 Someone who inspires you.

"Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work."

"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."

"I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts,

there can be no more hurt, only more love."

Mother Teresa 1910-1997

2011-04-04T22:02:00.004-04:00

This weekend, it was absolutely beautiful in Chattanooga. Seriously, crazy pretty.

Today, not so much. Storm city out there.

BUT Friday, my sweet friend Allison came in to town to visit me, and it was so stinkin great to see her. She's one of my closest friends, and so it was one of those easy visits, where I knew I wouldn't have to entertain her... we just hungout, caught up, and laughed a lot.

Friday we went to the mall because I needed some makeup, and then we helped Seth pick out his pimp clothes for Easter Sunday, and then spent the rest of the day hanging out with some other friends. Saturday, we did a lot of the same stuff. Seth (who we'll affectionately call Boss for now), took Allison and me to the meanest place on earth.

Petsmart on Saturday has puppies.

Enough said.

3 very sad people headed back to the car after what started out as a great idea.

Perhaps the best part of the weekend was Saturday afternoon. See, on Friday we stopped by Seth's grandparents' house and his "grandmom" was taking down wallpaper all by herself.. and I asked her what the point of having a young healthy grandson was, if she didn't put him to work. So I told her we'd be back on Saturday.

Yeah.

Seth watched TV while Allison and I...

worked.

BUT we had a great time talking to his grandmother and hearing her funny stories. I think she liked us being there too, so it was worth it to spend part of our saturday there. Allison showed me a thing or two about the art of question asking... I was taking notes at her conversational skills. We laughed a lot. It made me miss my grandparents. It was fun.

Yesterday was a little scary because my mom was in the hospital, buuuut she's ok, and home now... so hopefully I'll sleep much better tonight. It's definitely hard being so far from my family though! I was grateful for my friends here who spent time with me last night and made me laugh while I was trying not to worry.

The weekend had its ups and downs, but Im so glad I got to see Allison! Goooood friends are the best.

Day 15

2011-04-04T09:55:00.005-04:00

Day 15 A picture of something you want to do before you die.

There are lots of things I hope to do before I die, but one of them would be to go to Hillsong Church in Sydney and experience that.

source

Day 14

2011-04-03T17:32:00.000-04:00

Day 14- A picture of someone(s) you couldn't imagine your life without..

My crazy SISTERS!

We used to fight a lot...mostly because I was annoying, but now we fight less.

I love them a lot.

They are great.

The photographer made us get all weird, stand awkwardly and pose for pictures, and then afterward, I leaned down, grabbed them by the shoulders to hug them and be overly dramatic and emotional, and this is the picture the photographer took. ha!