Love Tank Full

Today was a good day.

I absolutely love my church here at home.  I've been going there since I was 14 years old, and have so many wonderful memories from that place, and it's filled with so many people that I love so much.  This morning I went to the 9:30 service, and then sat in the cafe during the 11:00 service, planning to read my Bible while my friends taught Sunday school.  I read my Bible for about 2 minutes before people began stopping by to say hi and welcome me home.  I felt so loved, and it was really great to catch up with people I haven't seen in awhile... as soon as one person would leave my table, another would walk up.  It was an hour and a half full of hugs, laughs, and encouragement.  My love tank was certainly full by the end of the morning.

I did get a little sad during worship, as I thought about the band in Chattanooga, wishing I was worshipping with them, and praying that the Lord was using them in a mighty way as they led the CUMC congregation miles and miles away, but I know this is where the Lord wants me for right now.  I got sad, but I felt His comforting peace wrap around me almost immediately.

Todd's sermon was great this morning, and I'm excited to be sitting under his teaching again for the next few weeks.  Todd talked about Elijah and Elisha this morning, and I think the things he said as he helped prepare us for communion are what stuck out to me the most.  

*He talked about the Jordan, and asked us where we were.... am I standing on its bank, looking across at the promise land, stuck... or have I crossed the river and truly entered into all that the Lord has for me in my salvation, reminding our church that before we can be resurrected, we must first die.  Of course I know Him, and have been resurrected into new life, but sitting there, I was so convicted of the things that need to die in my life today; the things that are holding me hostage from experience true freedom.

*Then he brought up Jericho, and asked who was in the midst of a battle? Who might be choosing sin and rebellion over Him?  I talked to my friend Ryan about freedom in Christ the other night, and he and Todd both reminded me that the battle cannot be fought and won on our own.  At Jericho, the people never even had to lift a weapon in order to win.  God won for them.  When we let the "walls" come down, it's there that true life is found in Jesus.

It was a good morning.

Then tonight, I went to the youth service "Elevate," to see Becca lead worship and hear Ben preach, and ended up being asked to lead the 9th grade girls small group discussion afterward.  Ben and Becca did a great job, and I absolutely loved hearing what the students are learning about right now.  We talked some church history, and about discipleship.  Ben quoted someone, saying, "What you think about you will care about.  What you care about you will chase."  What am I chasing these days?

Convicting.

Then I had to go talk to a bunch of 9th grade girls, while I was still processing what the Lord was speaking to my own heart.  The girls were great though, and I hope they enjoyed our conversation as much as I did.

Afterward, I walked down to where the young adult ministry was hanging out, caught up with some friends, before heading out with Ben and Becca to see Noah and Chloe before I went home for the night.  Noah recited like 30 Bible verses for me, and it was precious to say the least.  I love those kids.

Yes, it was very very sad to leave Chattanooga, not knowing if I'll be back there in the fall.  Yes its been an adjustment moving home.  Yes, I miss my friends that I've done life with the last year and a half... but the Lord is faithful.  I'm so glad I'm home right now, getting to reconnect with my friends here, hanging out with one of my best friends as she's cute and pregnant, spending time with my family, and getting poured into and encouraged as I prepare to leave for Fuge at the end of May.  

Trusting that He is in control.  Knowing that He has already gone before me, to camp, and to whatever awaits me in August.

Emotional Crazy Lady.

Yep, that's me.  I've cried a lot this week, especially this past weekend.  

A week and a half ago I moved out of my apartment, and into Jared and Olivia's for a few days... and today I officially moved home, back to Virginia.  Well, sort of.  Nothing is ever official in my world.  I moved home for the month of May, then I'll be working my 7th summer of Fuge in North Carolina for two months, and then who the heck knows.  I've been working for my sister's company from home, so I can live anywhere (at least until Sarah's company doesn't need me anymore), but there's no point in moving back to Chattanooga and signing a new lease unless I know can commit to another year there.

I am so sad that I had to leave Chattanooga, not knowing if/when I'd be moving back.  I was so sad to say goodbye to friends that have become my family, and to a place that has felt like home.  I cried so much this past weekend, and on my drive home today.  I was a hot mess.

I think I'm just afraid.  I'm afraid that my friendships with my Chattanooga crew wont be the same now that I'm so far away.  I'm afraid that the Lord is going to call me somewhere I don't want to go after I'm done working camp.  Or even worse, I'm afraid the Lord isn't going to make His will clear to me at all, and I'll have another post-seminary, no job, life sucks season.  I'm afraid of wasting my life, doing nothing significant.  I'm afraid of disappointing my parents.  I'm afraid I'm going to be lonely in this season of transition.

I'm afraid of a lot right now.

I know the Scripture to quote, and all the things to say to myself to remind me that God is here and in control, but it's still just a hard time right now.  Plus, I'm just super sad to have just said goodbye to a bunch of people that I love.  It's been a rough last few days.  Don't be alarmed if you see me or call me and ask how I'm doing and I cry.  haha.

Some happy things going on:

1. I am way excited about Fuge.  I got asked to special team (not a permanent fixture on a team, but someone who comes in during weeks with large numbers) as a Bible study leader at Carson Newman (about 2 hours from Ridgecrest) in my week off between my weeks 7 and 8 at Ridgecrest.. and I'm really excited about that. I LOVE being a bible study leader, and I know I'll miss it while I'm the Financial Director at Ridgecrest all summer.  This does however mean that I won't have a day off for literally like 10 weeks of my life, but hey, it's camp, and I love it.  Pray for the poor staffers I'm in leadership over, that sleep deprived Molly doesn't go crazy on them.

2. I'm home!  I get to go to my home church and see my friends that I love so much here! 

3. My sister is getting married in May which means I get to spend time with my family!

4. My cat Cosmo didn't die while I was in Chattanooga.  He's old as all get out, but still kickin.

uh... happy thoughts. happy thoughts...

5. I had a great last night in Chattanooga.  So, I'll leave you with a picture of most of my crew.  Blessed by these friendships.  Maybe my next blog will be about all the life lessons I learned while I was there...  What a crazy chapter that was.

Lately... The random bullet points and picture addition

 *So... I went home for awhile and got to see some of my favorite people in February.

                          Cute Baby Griffin was born
                     to my sweet friends Travis and Melissa!                                  
                                                                                                              My little sister's baby bump has
                                                                                                        arrived!  The other day she texted to        
                                                                                                        tell me her belly button had popped
                                                                                                             out (GROSS!)

I got to spend lots of time with my favorite kiddos!

*Then... It was back to reality and back to Tennessee.  My trip home was really good for my heart, but I missed my people in the Nooga.

*I got back just in time to hide in the McPherson's basement scared out of my mind from another day of tornadoes!  The destruction from those jokers is so sad!  I went to Seth's house a couple weeks after a tornado hit his neighborhood (thankfully he and his house are safe and sound), and I almost got lost!  I couldn't recognize anything!  It's like a bomb went off.  So so sad.

*I started leading worship with the Olivia and the guys at my new church here in town.  I LOVE that I get to go to church with my people.

*March was a month of weddings.

At the beginning of the month I headed to Nashville for Josh and Lynsey's beautiful wedding.

They met during my favorite summer of camp, Glorieta 2008, and so it was one of the most epic and special reunions ever!  Love these people!  Love that we got to laugh together, dance together, and pray together!  It was a special day!

THEN I headed to Florida for sweet Leslie's wedding with my crazy friends Erin and MeLissa.

These girls are all hilarious, and it was a blessing and honor to stand up next to Leslie on her big day.  She was a beautiful bride.  Love this girl.  So grateful for our summer at Fuge (2007) as roommates, and the journey our friendship has been on since then. 

*Gavin Degraw was in town a couple weeks ago so I got to lust over his hotness with Rebecca.

There were a few times that he made me blush.  He was L.O.V.E.L.Y

*My sister got me a job working for her company from home, so I'm not poor and jobless anymore!  Praise the Lord!

*AND then end of March was capped off with another camp wedding...

My roommate Addie met Drew when she came to our camp as a chaperone in 2010.  She moved here in August, and has been a wonderful addition to our Chattanooga family.  It was such a beautiful day, and I absolutely loved standing up on stage with Rebecca, Steve, Alex, and Seth in support of Drew and Addie.  One big happy family.  I got overwhelmed during the ceremony with gratitude that the Lord used camp to change my life... on the stage, out in the audience, there were so many people that I love.  Chattanooga feels like home.

               Addie and her bridesmaids

Some of Addie's bridesmaids lookin hot.

Rebecca and me
So grateful for her friendship

Olivia and me
Everyone thinks we're sisters or twins!
Love this girl!

The Fam, minus Drew and Addie, who had just left for their honeymoon!

*I stayed at Jared and Olivia's while they were on a cruise, and this guy, Samson was cute but quite the bed hog!

*Went to Atlanta with Zubin, Alex, and Rebecca for Passion's Good Friday service.

It was awesome, and so much fun!

*Now, I'm starting to prepare my heart for the next chapter... whatever the heck that means.

Here's what I know:  
I know my lease ends on Thursday.
I know I'm staying with Jared and Olivia until the end of April.
I know  that I'm going home in May to spend time with my family, and for my older sister's wedding! WOOHOO!!
I know that I'm going to Florida for training in May, and then leaving for Fuge at Ridgecrest at the end of the month where I'll be on leadership as the financial director.
I know that I'll be working camp until the end of July.
I know my niece will be born at the end of July, and another pretend nephew, and I'll explode with happiness.
I know one of my best friends, Mary is getting married at the beginning of August and I get to be her maid of honor, and go to California for the first time!


And well, that's about it.


I hope I'll be moving back here to Chattanooga in August, but I just don't know.
Mostly, I know the Lord has a plan... a plan that is for my good and His glory.  Trying to trust Him!


That's the latest.  It's been a busy, but good last month or so, filled with lots of friends and laughter, too many undeserved blessings to count.