Rest.

I look to You,

I see the scars upon Your hands,

that hold the truth, that when I can't You always can

And standing here, beneath the shadow of the cross,

I'm overwhelmed that I keep finding open arms.

What love is this that You gave Your life for me

and made a way for me to know You

and I confess You're always enough for me

You're all I need

Jesus in Your suffering, You were reaching

You thought of me.

What love is this that You gave Your life for me

and made a way for me to know You

and I confess You're always enough for me

You're all I need....

                                            "What Love  is This"

                           Kari Jobe

The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.

He rescues them from all their troubles. 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted,

He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. 

The righteous person faces many troubles, 

But the Lord comes to the rescue each time.

Psalm 34:17-19

I have set the Lord continually before me;

Because He is at my right hand, 

I will not be shaken...

You will make known to me the path of life;

in Your presence is fullness of joy.

Psalm 16:8,11a   

Oh great God, give us rest

We're all worn thin from all of this

At the end of our hope, with nothing left

Oh great God, give us rest 

Could You take a song and make it Thine,

From a crooked heart twisted up like mine?

Would You open up Heaven's glory light?

Shine on in, give these dead bones life.

Shine on in, give these dead bones life.

                                                "Oh Great God, Give Us Rest"

                                   David Crowder Band

I haven't been sleeping well lately at all.  Most people who know me know that that is not just bad news for me, but it's bad news for everyone I come in contact with.  :)  Sometimes it's not so bad... like tonight when I was out with my friends, and my tiredness made me so crazy I laughed at pretty much everything.  Sometimes when I'm sleepy, it ups my hilarious awesomeness.

Usually, when I go through bouts of insomnia like this though, it's because I'm feeling anxious about something.  Um yes, that's definitely the case.   I'm feeling anxious about a lot of things right now.  I'm feeling pretty lost and confused about what's next, and how I found myself here.  I try to find distractions and I obsessively over think everything.... like yesterday when I worked out twice (me?!), just because I needed to think. I mean, that works well for my endeavor of being a supermodel, but running and doing sit ups until I felt like I was going to die wasn't really helpful in the big picture.

I know the Lord is trying to get my attention, and I know that during this particularly trying chapter in my life, that He is here.  He has been ever-present, consistent, steadfast, and gracious in the loving kindness He has been pouring out upon me lately, and I'm so grateful for that.  In the shadow of the cross, I'm ashamed that I doubt Him or that I allow the worries that this world presents, distract me from Him.  I'm ashamed that at night I allow fear to consume me to the point of feeling hopeless.  I'm ashamed that I let the matters of my heart overwhelm me, thinking that He isn't in the midst of it all. "Cast Your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."  I feel a lot of shame in how weak my faith is, but I am so grateful that His mercies really are new every morning.  

The lyrics to that first song I posted say, "I confess You're always enough for me.  You're all I need."  I wish it was true, but actually, I should probably say, "I confess that I don't always allow You to be enough for me... but I know You are.  You're all I need."  Praying that that confession becomes real to me these next few days as I make some decisions.  Praying that I can just give this worry over to Him, and act upon the things He's allowing to stay constantly in the forefront of my mind, not to torture me, but because they need to be dealt with.  "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.  His love endures forever."

"You steady my heart..."