Nashville Trip

This past weekend I went to Nashville... just because.

I have so many wonderful friends in that city, and sadly there's never enough time to see all of them.

BUT the Lord knew who I needed to see this weekend, and those girls were such an encouragement to me. On the way into town, I stopped at MTSU to see one of my girls who graduated in May. I've been here since September of last year, and let me tell you, it did my heart good to see Katie's big smile when she opened the door to her apartment, and the hug she gave me. I'm grateful the Lord gave me a year with Katie in the youth group. She's a precious girl. I'm excited for this new chapter in her life.

Then, I got to stop by and see Stacy's classroom and visit with her for a hot second. I'd die without her. I'm proud of her. She's a real live teacher!!

Then I made it to my friend MeLissa's house for a Bible study she was starting that night with some girls. It was fun to sit in, and uh, I kind of wish they could skype me in every week! Then I got to spend some time talking with MeLissa, her roommates (and my friends) Lydia and Erin, and our friend Arley. Those girls friendships with one another is precious to see, plus they're all hilarious people. It's always fun to see them.

MeLissa and I stayed up talking late, and geez what an encouragement she is. If anything, she just made me feel less alone. I love MeLissa and the way she lives her like. She lives expectantly.. like she KNOWS there's so much more the Lord wants for her. She gives me courage. She reminds me to "be gentle." She makes me laugh. She believes in me. AND on top of all that, she's going to be famous some day and let me make her coffee for her.

I love her.

Friday night I went over to my friends' Carrie, Candace, and Jenny's apartment... and my friend Megan came to have a sleepover too! Oh my goodness did we laugh! They're amazing women. Saturday morning at breakfast Carrie asked us, "Who inspires you?" I sat there thinking... grateful that I have friendships like this.. that we can talk about things beyond the superficial. I left Nashville feeling so refreshed, restored, loved, and blessed. I'm grateful for those friendships.

Yet another reason why I just love Fuge. Its brought some pretty incredible people into my world!

Over Christmas I bought a book that caused strangers to stop me in the airport to tell me how good it was, or how many of them had gotten it from Santa too. I started reading it with the mindset that I wasn't going to give in to what everyone else was going crazy for. I just knew that I wasn't going to like it.

I was wrong.

I started The Help in between crying over delayed and cancelled flights, and had it half read by the time my plane finally landed in Atlanta. I couldn't put it down. It's not a suspenseful, intense book, but it grabbed my attention and kept it. Set in Jackson, MS it chronicles the lives of black women who served as maids in the 1950s. I was captivated by the acknowledgement that my parents were alive during this time...reminded that a level of racism that seems so foreign to any thought I've had about another person was alive and well not all that long ago.

My parents aren't civil rights activists, but they're certainly not racist. Growing up in predominantly military communities, full of diverse cultures and races, I never understood racism. I remember my first day of 5th grade in a new school thinking to myself, "Where are all the black people??" I wish that I could say I've always been surrounded by people of similar thought, but of course a few redneck Stafforidians, and new people in college showed me a different side. Racism is still something I refuse to allow in my presence; it's heartbreaking to see how hateful people can be.

Today, I went with one of my students to see the film, written after the book. Oh my gosh, what an experience. I was so moved. I think I cried about 10 times. I loved it. In my opinion it was just as good at the book, and captured the characters exactly as I thought them to be in my mind. I saw it in a theater packed full of old ladies, ladies who were raising children in the south during that time.... I can't help but wonder what they thought. I can't help but wonder what cultural norms they had to overcome to see people as Christ see's us... and if it's still something they struggle with.

You should first read the book, then go see the movie. Everyone knows it's better to read a book before seeing the movie. I promise it's worth it.

Psalm 145

great is the Lord, so worthy of praise
great is the Lord

one generation will
commend Your kingdom
to one another
they will speak of You
and i will meditate
on Your wonder
and they, they will speak
of Your glorious splendor
of Your majesty
everyday i'll praise thee
forever and ever

everyday i will praise
for You open Your hand
and satisfy desires of all things
my God the King

the Lord is gracious
and slow to anger
He is rich in love
He is good to all

all who call on Him
in truth He is near to
and He hears their cry
and saves them

Psalm 145 Shane & Shane

Wake Up!

Because we are currently without a youth pastor, I've been doing a series by BlueFish called "Courage," with Francis Chan. My students seem to really be engaging in it, which is a relief. I wasn't sure how the whole video series thing would go over with them. I'm absolutely loving the discussion time we're having at the end of the videos, and am praying that the overarching messages are really beginning to sink in.

Last week, Francis Chan used part of Revelation 3 in his lesson... where the church at Sardis is told that they have the reputation of being alive, but they're really dead. One thing you may not know about my students is that a lot of them have grown up in our church. They've always gone here, they've always come on Wednesdays and Sundays. It's not really up for discussion whether or not they attend our weekly events. I think that's created a certain amount of apathy in their walk with Christ. Some of them take their church, and opportunities to grow in their faith for granted. Of course I'm not saying that coming to youth group is the only means of spiritual growth, but for my students, a lot of them aren't taking advantage of the things right in front of them, let alone seeking it out on their own. They're great students, they really are... but with this series, I'm really trying to challenge them to move outside of the mindset that their faith is cultural or tradition, and instead something that is personal to them as individuals, and something that calls us to action.

Revelation 3: "I know your deeds, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead. Wake up, and strengthen the things that remain, which were about to die; for I have not found your deeds completed in the sight of My God."

SO CONVICTING, yet hopeful!

I wonder how many of us have been through times in our lives, a lot like the church at Sardis. We go through the motions, we talk the talk, but God knows our hearts, He knows whether or not we're truly alive, or on the verge of death. I love how this church is challenged to "WAKE UP!" There's still hope! God has a plan for each one of us, and whether we intentionally give up and walk away, or we, as creatures of habit are simply going through the motions, the Lord has called us to so much more.

I may not be dead, but there are definitely areas that I'm falling asleep. It's time to WAKE UP.

Cave Monsters

Last spring, the youth ministry team consisting of myself, the youth minister, and our administrative assistant, sat down and planned out our summer calendar. One of the last events we planned was a caving trip to the Lost Sea. Apparently back in the day, the student ministry would go to the Lost Sea and camp out in the cave. It sounded like fun.

Yeah, well..... uh. I cant walk today. haha.

This trip has been so frustrating to plan. I started out with a decent size group, and one by one they just started dropping out. What I originally thought would require the church's bus, ended up being a group small enough to fit in two cars. I shed many tears over this. I think, with it being my first trip flying solo without a youth minister, and the last trip for our seniors, I wanted it to be good. I wanted to do a good job. I was really not looking forward to the trip at all as students started dropping out.

Yesterday, 9 of us piled into cars and made our way toward the Lost Sea. I had 5 students (4 recent graduates and a freshman) and 4 chaperones (which I use that term loosely since I was the oldest of the group), and it seemed like everyone (but me) was pumped.

First we stopped at the Mayfield Dairy and I made everyone learn how milk jugs were made and filled. Dude, that place sends out some serious school milk cartons. And then we ate ice cream.. which might have been a bad idea, given that we were sleeping in a cave later that night, but we like to live life on the edge.

Only Steve could make a beardnet look hot

Then we headed to the Lost Sea.

First of all....... I thought I was prepared for this trip. I was wrong. Second of all, if you are claustrophobic or non skinny- you may want to spend some extra time in prayer before you enter a caving situation.

These Lost Sea-ers totally tricked me. The first part of the tour, a 5 year old could handle. Yeah we climbed some hills (i mean, what are they called in a cave?), and I got out of breath, but sweet California, if I only knew what was coming. The Lost Sea is cool, with some neat history behind it. Native Americans used to live in or use the cave back in the day, and during the Civil War, its resources were used to make gun powder. The sea itself is massive, and years ago they brought fish down into the cave as an experiment... hoping that the fish would lead them to the cave's water source. BUT the fish just died, because the sea is too big, and they didn't have anyway to get food. Don't worry though, they feed those jokers, so those creepy fish were almost jumping into the boat with us.

After the regular tour, the fun really began.

Our guide Shane was hilarious, and our group really loved having him with us. He and our guide in training, Hunter, took us back to our campsite for a break, before leading us out on a special excursion that you only get to do if you're camping in the cave. This part of the cave had no artificial light spread throughout, so we had to rock our head lamps.

The next few hours of my life, I was certain were going to kill me.

The guys took my group through some of the most ridiculous tunnels and holes on the planet. Places that I was certain my body just wasn't going to fit through. There was one place they took us through that I've nicknamed "The Devil" that I thought for sure I was going to die in. We had to crawl on our hands and knees over rocks and under rocks and through mud, and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I see a hole up ahead that I was sure MY body was NOT going through. To make it even worse, if by some miracle of God, my body did squeeze through it, I then had to army crawl several feet through a space I was sure I wouldn't fit through either.

I got about 1/2 way through the hole and I just didn't have the strength to go forward. My friends Steve and Andy were behind me. My friend Lauren was in front of me. And my skinny little students were already at the end cheering me on. I started to cry (but to my credit, it was just a little bit) because I just didn't know how I would get through. Steve and Andy refused to let me turn around, and so I had no choice but to keep going. Somehow, from somewhere, I mustered up the strength to continue, and I very non-gracefully wiggled my way through the hole, and army crawled in slow motion to the other side. I was being dramatic and saying all kinds of crazy stuff through it, but I can't tell you what a moment it was to come out the other end, being encouraged by my students, and feeling proud of myself. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I hope I never have to do it again, but it was worth it.

Another place they took us through, required us to lay on our sides and crawl through this crevice. My arms are so bruised by this point that every movement hurt like crazy. Again, with Steve behind me, telling me I could do it, and Lauren up ahead telling me I could do it, I made the attempt. I got about a foot in and knew for certain I didn't have the strength to keep going. I can't begin to describe how exhausted I was at this point. My muscles were shaking from being strained so much that night. This was one of our last things we were doing, and I really did want to finish it, but I didn't know how I would. Steve was stuck behind me, and I was just laying there between two rock walls, telling them to tell my parents I love them, but that I was going to die right there in that spot. haha. To make it worse, our guide in training accidentally took my students an easier route (he's still learning the cave), so they didn't even had to do this junk! I needed help. Shane was awesome though, and made his way back down between the walls, stuck out his foot and told me to grab on. Then he started singing part of Lil Jon's "Get Low".. "Now stop, and wiggle wit it." And just like that, with me holding on to his foot for some extra help, he and I wiggled our way out of the tunnel.

I've never been more filthy. Seriously, I had dirt in my hair, my ears, on my back, my toes (which were in tennis shoes!).

Once I set my sleeping bag on the cave floor, I didn't move from it... because I couldn't.

Caves are freaking freezing when you're sleeping in them.

Bats are creepy.

Absolute darkness can lead to awkward moments.

There were so many funny moments, and special moments last night. Even though there wasn't a bus full like I hoped... the Lord showed me just how much faith I had been lacking. My students came up to me and told me that they had a great time, and that they were grateful for the group that came, that it was exactly who was meant to be there. My friend Steve shared a story at our campsite, that I'm praying spoke to my students, and that we all learned a lot about trust, courage, faith, and friendship.

Though I'm completely covered in bruises, last night was the best night I've had since moving to Chattanooga... and in a difficult season in my life, it was just the kind of reminder I needed. It took bringing me down into a cave, where I was a hot mess and completely helpless to remind me that God is in control.

Check out my bruises!

My legs are just as bad!

Shane and Shane just put out a new album on their website, and I just stinkin love them. Seriously, they're incredible songwriters and talented musicians. One of the songs just hit me. I know it's hard to post lyrics on a blog and expect them to speak to everyone else who reads them, especially if you aren't listening to the song.. but I'm going to post them anyway..

I can walk through the storm.
I can walk by faith when my sight is gone, just as long as You are here with me.
I can gain everything but what do I have if I don’t have the King?
Oh I need to know You’re here with me

Here I am, calling out, Father. Can you hear me? I don’t wanna go without You.

Here I am, can You talk a little louder so I can hear You. I wanna hear You.

I don’t wanna move without You.

Even though I believe You’ve taken up a home inside me and You’ll never leave
I still need to know You’re here with me

Here I am, I’m calling out, Father. Can You hear me?

I don’t wanna go without You.

Here I am, can You talk a little louder so I can hear You. I wanna hear You.

I don’t wanna move without You.

If Your presence goes, I don’t wanna stay. If Your presence stays, I don’t wanna go

I need You.

Here I am, I’m calling out, Father. Can You hear me?

I don’t wanna go without You.

Here I am, can You talk a little louder so I can hear You. I wanna hear You.

I don’t wanna move without You.

Right now, I'm in this weird place, trying to figure out and discern God's will for my life. I'm trying to be obedient to the call He's placed on my life... but to be honest, things are just hard right now. They're really hard, and it's difficult not to be discouraged in a lot of the things going on. BUT in the midst of a difficult time in my life, the Lord places so many reminders throughout my day, to assure me that He's still near. I'm blessed beyond measure. I need to remember that, even on the tough days.

If Your presence goes, I dont wanna stay. If Your presence stays, I dont wanna go. I need You...

"And still He seeks the fellowship of His people

and will send them both joy and sorrow

to detach their hands from the things of this world

and attach them to Himself’.”

J.I. Packer