Give me something brighter

Give me something I can see

Give me something vicious

Give me something I can be

Give me all the love and peace

To end these wars

Give me something sacred

Something worth fighting for

It’s clear enough to me

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer

Give me a way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

Give me motivation

Give me all my heart’s desires

Show me something gorgeous

Show me ‘til my eyes get tired

Give me all the drums and

Show me how to play them loud

Show me how to move

When I can’t feel that you’re around

It’s clear enough to me

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer

Give me a way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

We hide like thieves in shadows Scared of the sun. We know the light will find us us and all we’ve done.

Give me an answer, give me a way out, give me the faith to believe in these hard times

-needtobreathe

these hard times

Tonight I went up on Lookout Mountain with Alex, Rebecca, and Steve to visit our friend Mary who has been working at Camp Lookout all summer. Rebecca and Mary went to Camp Lookout as kids, and Mary just never stopped going. Let me tell you, that place is picturesque for sure. Fuge has me spoiled in my definition of "camp" for sure. Let's just say that Camp Lookout is a little more "organic" than any Fuge I've ever worked.

I loved it. It was beautiful out there. And except for the giant frog that landed on my flip flopped foot, I had a great time being out in God's creation. We had the blessing of attending their communion service, and it was precious to watch 4th and 5th graders make commitments to the Lord, and rededications. I'm glad I had the opportunity to visit a place that my friends love so much.

Chattanooga really is a beautiful place to live.

Please pray for me as I've been feeling really crummy lately... physically, emotionally, spiritually I'm just worn down. I've been really sick lately, and I should probably go to the doctor but I'm too busy and I'm waiting for health insurance stuff to get worked out. Lame. Overwhelmed with a lot right now.




"We must be empty if we want God to fill us. We must be able to give ourselves so completely to God that He must be able to possess us. We must give whatever He takes and take whatever He gives. 
Total abandonment consists of giving oneself fully to God because God has given Himself to us. If God, who owes us nothing, is willing to give us nothing less than Himself, can we respond by giving Him only a part of ourselves? 
Renouncing myself, I give myself to God that He might live in me!"
 -Mother Theresa

Already my gaze is on the hill, that sunlit one,

up ahead on the path I've scarcely started.

In the same way, what we couldn't grasp grasps us:

blazingly visible, there in the distance--

and changes us, even if we don't reach it,

into what we, scarcely sensing it, already are;

a gesture signals, answering our gesture...

But we feel only the opposing wind.

"A Walk" by Rainer Maria Rilke

"We habitually stand in our now and look back by faith to see the past filled with God. We look forward and see Him inhabiting the future; but our now is uninhabited except for ourselves. Thus we are guilty of a kind of temporary atheism, which leaves us alone in the universe while, for the time, God is not. We talk of Him much and loudly, yet we secretly think of Him as being absent, and we think of ourselves as inhabiting a parenthetic interval between the God who was and the God who will be. And we are lonely with ancient and cosmic loneliness. We are each like a little child lost in a crowded market, who has strayed but a few feet from its mother, yet because she cannot be seen the child is inconsolable. So we try by every method devised by religion to relieve our fears and heal our hidden sadness; but with all our efforts we remain unhappy still, with the settled despair of men alone in a vast and deserted universe."
A.W. Tozer "The Pursuit of Man"

Bullet Points... We all love 'em!

* "The Lord draws near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 I am, by no means, brokenhearted... but it has been a difficult last few weeks for me, and rather than feeling hopeless (minus a wimpy, tear filled phone call to Stacy), I decided to give it all to the Lord. He has been so gracious.

* I cried while reading a prayer newsletter from Harvesters to my friend Allison. I miss Mary, and those cute little orphans in Sudan, and the simplicity that was my way of life during those few weeks in Africa.

*I hate it the way newspapers and news sites and magazines report the death of someone. I don't know why but saying "Amy Winehouse Dead" sounds so callous, as if she were a horse or someones dog. Let's try, "Amy Winehouse Passed Away" or "Amy Winehouse Has Died." So sad. Jesus, come save this lost world, full of broken people desperately looking for love and hope. May we show them that He is the only hope we have... and He is more than enough.

*I went to Panama City Beach last weekend to see the band guys and Ryan and met some great people. I also got to see a few chaperones of summers past. It was wonderful to see everyone. The boys on the band's staff seemed crazy. I laughed so hard! I also loved spending time with my friend Allison. I stayed w/ her church down the street from Fuge while they had a middle school retreat. Sand- sand is lame.

*I'm sick and woke myself up breathing last night. You can hear air whooosh through my chest. I just made up that word, "Whoosh"

*My friend Candace came to see me Thursday night. LOVE HER. We worked Fuge together in 2010 and I'm just so grateful for her loyalty and genuine love and encouragement. She's wonderful.

*Went to Atlanta this weekend to see my friend Allison again this weekend. Friday we had dinner with some of my friends from high school. It was a great time! Then saturday Allison had a game night at her house where we played Quelf... the world's most embarrassing game on the planet. seriously. go play it. it's ridiculous.

*And now, I'm back to work. Big week ahead. For those of you who don't know, my boss resigned, and this is his last week. So not only is my church senior pastorless, but we'll be without a youth pastor as well. The next few months could get interesting. I'm a little nervous, but trying to trust that the Lord has prepared us for this next chapter.

*Life is crazy! I was thinking about how I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to write.. to write the way I love to write, lately. Maybe once these kiddos head back to school, life will find a routine again... otherwise I'm going to disappear for a vacation and not tell anyone, and maybe not ever coming back. ;)

Re-FOCUS.

Tough last few days. Finding rest in Him and trying not to be overwhelmed by it all. Much easier said than done though!

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' (Acts 17:24-29)

‎"Therefore since we have a great high priest

who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God,

let us hold fast our confession.

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses,

but One who has been tempted in all things as we are,

yet without sin.

So let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace,

so that we may receive mercy

and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4:14-16

“Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord,

and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee."

-Augustine

Your joy is mine,

yet why am I fine with all my singing and bringing grain,

in light of Him?

I wanna yearn for You.

I wanna burn with passion over You,

and only You.

Lord, I wanna yearn.

‎"Awaken what's inside of me, tune my heart to all You are, and even though You're here, God come. May the vision of You be the death of me, and even though You've given everything, Jesus come."

"God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better." Elisabeth Elliot

"Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God's story never ends with 'ashes." Elisabeth Elliot

You, God, are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you,

my whole being longs for you,

in a dry and parched land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Psalm 63

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.

Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.

“For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed.”

I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.

Texas in July- What on earth?!

Last Saturday morning, I boarded a bus with my students for their choir tour/mission trip to Dallas/Ft. Worth. That is too long of a trip to make in a car twice in just a couple months, let alone on a bus full of teenagers. BUT we made it, eventually, and had a great week of seeing the Lord work.

My students did a great job singing at apartment churches, a homeless shelter, assisted living residences, and the veterans hospital. They also led vacation bible schools at 2 different apartment complexes. It was a blessing for me to watch them minister. They did an incredible job.

I absolutely loved the conversations I got to have, and the time I got to spend with them, and I'm grateful for some of those God given moments I had to connect with them on more intentional levels.

I also got to see my friends Lauren and Erin and really enjoyed the time I spent with them. Despite the 105 degree temps, I found myself missing Texas and wondering what it would be like to move back there someday.

For now, here are some pictures from the trip.

Aren't they just so cute?!

This little girl, Emily walked up to me at a concert and wanted to be friend.

Clearly from the picture, I wasn't so sure about it.

The crazy cousins.

Deedee, Meara, me, Heidi, and Chara at the banquet at Joe T's

I may or may not have started a Justin Bieber bus sing a long a few times on the trip

Don't hate. Look how happy everyone looks!

Someone had to entertain those kids on the long bus rides!

I found a creepy puppet, named him Herman, and chased little children around VBS

They loved it.

Katie, one of my seniors.

Glad that she's only going away to school in Nashville!

Danielle and me

I'll be so sad when she heads off to school in Mobile next month!

13 years ago, a friends mom shared the Gospel with me, and though I'd heard it before, for some reason this time it sunk in and my life was forever changed. We were on a choir tour in Atlanta, and I had just finished my freshman year. I had been attending my Church back home for a year, and driving everyone crazy with my questions. They told me God is Love, God is in control, God is good... and I wanted answers.... why did this good and loving God, who controlled everything let little helpless girls die in tragic events... why did this all-knowing, all-powerful Being let grandfathers die from cancer when you begged Him to save them?

How do you explain God's sovereignty to a 14 year old? How do you explain that God doesn't want suffering in this world, but because of sin, and because of His great love for us, God allows it, so that we can see Him, even in the most desperate situations?

My heart was so hardened against Him. I wanted to believe in the Gospel that was being preached to me, but I just didn't think He could be trusted. After a year of fighting against Him, when my friend's mom approached me, I was exhausted from running. As she spoke of Jesus' love for me, I felt the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart, and knew I couldn't run anymore. In an instant, my life was changed, and I am forever grateful. Though I still had questions, instead of anger and resentment, I was filled with hope. There's a certain relief that comes with placing your trust in someone, and knowing in full confidence that they'll never hurt you.

It's hard to believe the journey the Lord has taken me on in the last 13 years, and the things He's allowed me to see and do, and the grace He continues to pour out on me everyday.