Camp.

Finally, my favorite part of my year is here! I'm leaving for camp tomorrow morning! This summer, I'm back at Carson Newman... I'll be leading the 11th and 12th grade Bible study, leading the volleyball and digital photography tracks, and then singing as a part of the band. The band thing and the digital photography thing are both new for me as far as camp goes... but I'm really excited about the summer ahead.

Pray for me, for the other Fuge staffers I'll be working with, and of course all of the churches that are planning on attending camp at Carson Newman during our 8 week summer.

Praying for life change.

Hokey Pokey: That's What it's All About

So, in 2003, I interned for my church's children's ministry during my summer break from college (the summer after my awful semester at Longwood, and right before I started my junior year at Liberty). At that point in time, I was an Elementary Education major, with hopes and dreams of being a 4th or 5th grade teacher, forcing kids to read "Where the Red Fern Grows" before they could "graduate" from my class. Awesome right?!

Yeah, praise the Lord for that summer, because it was then that I learned that I really don't understand kids. Our children's pastor would get frustrated with me because I'd always want Wednesday nights off, and I asked for a random week off during my internship... why, you ask?? Well, because I'd rather be hanging out with the teenagers in our student ministry, go to camp with them and lead a Bible study the youth pastor (Todd) asked if I could help with.

That summer was pivotal for a lot of different reasons, but the 2 most significant things would be 1. It opened my eyes to student ministry, and helped change my plans for the future (aka I changed my major as soon as I stepped foot on Liberty's campus!) and 2. I met 2 CRAZY high school students that have blessed my life ever since.

Meghan and Kristi....


When I met them, they were INSANE. I've never met two people who talked so much, laughed so much (at the most random times and things), and who really couldn't care less about what I was trying to share with them... not because they were bad kids, but because they'd rather laugh and be crazy than sit still and listen. From day 1 they cracked me up with their craziness, yet in that craziness, I could ALWAYS see their huge hearts and the potential in them. Thankfully, eventually they stopped laughing long enough to listen, and became incredible examples for Christ among their peers.

Over the last 7 years, my relationships with Meghan and Kristi have grown. For some crazy reason these two have allowed me to be a part of their lives... and it's been a privilege and honor to watch how they've grown into 2 wonderful, godly young women. When I was in seminary, they came to Dallas to spend their senior spring break with boring old me. When they were deciding on colleges, or struggling with things in their lives, they sought me out for counsel and allowed me to pray for them and to be a listening ear. We've laughed together, cried together, and grown in our relationships with the Lord together. They've made me smile more times than I can count, and now that they're big kids, I'm grateful to call them my friends.

And last week, those 2 crazy girls graduated from college!
CRAZINESS!

I am so excited to see where the Lord is leading these two. When I went into student ministry, these were the kind of relationships I hoped to build... the opportunity to disciple and mentor students, to see life change and watch how God would use them to do great things for His Kingdom. I look at them now and I find myself encouraged by them, and challenged by their hearts for people and for the Lord.

I love these girls, and I'm so stinkin proud of them!

*Pray for Kristi as she continues to seek God's direction for life after college.

*Pray for Meghan, as she just left for a summer in India, where she'll be sharing Christ in dark places. She's had a rough last few weeks, and I'm praying that this time is not only filled with God-sized opportunity, but that it would also be a time of healing. I know God is using her to touch the lives of others, and I praise Him for how she's blessed mine!

You are the Hope That's Never Failing

Meghan, a wonderful friend of mine, and some of the other people I love that are finishing up their time at LU, lost a good friend this week. I'm sad for each of them and praying that the Lord draws them near to Him while they mourn their loss, but celebrate their friend's life. Meghan and Kelly's roommate, Sarah wrote this song as she was grieving, and I think it's just beautiful. It's definitely reminded me of God's peace, and His unfailing hope. As I struggle to understand why God allows us to go through the things He does, I'm reminded once again that He is sovereign, and the true profundity of a statement that has become so cliche. I rest in his steadfast love, and pray that for those who are hurting or searching.

Square one.. I hope not.

I think I'm back at square one... I sure hope not though, because I cannot handle 2 more years like the ones I just went through.

I've decided to put returning to Sudan on hold for the time being. Those closest to me say that they saw this coming, but I honestly didn't. Since January I've had serious bouts of insomnia, horrible dreams when I do sleep, and anxiety when I'm awake. It's been awful. I couldn't get to the root of it, and as a discerning and self aware person, that drove me crazy.

I'm not afraid of returning to Sudan, so far away from home, for 14 months. I'm not afraid of the unpredictability of the political situation over there, or getting sick, and I was more than ready to try something new... so why the anxiety? I just couldn't figure it out.

Last weekend, like I said in my previous post, I helped at a retreat and the Lord really began to move in my heart. My friend Ryan spoke a couple sermons that woke something up inside of me.

First Ryan taught about Gideon, and how Gideon was found threshing wheat in a wine press. He was hiding.. and some of the things that stuck out in Ryan's sermon (without re-telling the whole thing) were:
*Gideon felt trapped by his circumstances.
*"An angel of the Lord appeared to him"- We don't find God, He finds us
*God's plan is bigger than we ever imagined. How am I limiting God?
*"Victory in Jesus"- You can't have victory without a battle
*We look at where God is calling us as a tragedy- the cross wasn't a tragedy, it was an achievement
*God's power is bigger than my excuses

It's not that I feel like I'm running from Sudan, but instead, that I'm running TO Sudan to avoid God's calling on my life. Only I would be crazy enough to run to a third world country, on the brink of war in order to avoid something God has told me.

For the last 2 years I've been terrified of rejection. Fearful that I imagined God's calling on my life, and that I'm not good enough to pursue that "dream job." I've been limiting God, or avoiding Him altogether, only I convinced myself that I wasn't, by deciding to go to Sudan. I mean, it sounds a lot better when people ask me what I'm up to these days, "Oh I'm going to Sudan to teach orphans and serve God." Rather than, "Oh you know, nothing. Got my masters degree, now I'm doing nothing with my life!" It makes no sense why I wouldn't choose the path that makes more sense... Sudan vs. a big fat path to uncertainty.

I will say though, that I have a huge amount of peace since asking the Lord for more clarity. I've put my plans on hold, completely willing to go to Sudan if I'm certain that's where the Lord wants me, but waiting for that direction. So here I am back at square one... only, one of my good friends reminded me that 2 years ago, I never would have had the courage to go to Sudan. Because I said "yes," perhaps the Lord will begin opening doors to something greater than I ever imagined. I'm tired of wasting my life though.

I leave for camp in 2 1/2 weeks and I really can't wait.
I'm praying for direction and clarity, and a summer spent close to the Father, serving and loving others.

Though the Mountains Surround Us, in the Midst of the Valley We Find Peace...

I have been so busy the last few weeks! I went to Kansas City this past week and then came home for a day before I left for Roanoke to spend the weekend with the youth from Bonsack Baptist at their spring retreat. My friends in the Seth Medley Band were the worship leaders and our friend Ryan was the speaker. It was a camp reunion! Bonsack was a church that came to camp last summer, and just loved on us. They're special to our staff, and so it's always good to see them.

Tucked in the Roanoke Valley, at a small Baptist retreat center, we were blessed to spend the weekend in the Word, in awe of the Creator, and in fellowship and worship with one another. The main sessions were held in picnic shelter type set up, and Friday night during worship, someone called the cops! I guess if you live out in the middle of nowhere, it's because you're trying to avoid loud noise and civilization! What a surprise it must have been for the police officers to show up, only to find a bunch of teenagers lifting their hands and voices in worship. Thankfully they were slow in asking us to turn down the music (they stood and listened for awhile), and so the band's sound didn't get cut until the end of the last song.

Olivia and I led a group of 7th and 8th grade girls, and it was really fun to hear their hearts and perspective on things. Then Ryan brought it in each one of his sermons. He was speaking truth into my life, that's for sure (but that's a whole different blog!). I love serving with these people. They're not only all incredibly talented, but they each have huge hearts, and more than playing music well, or giving a funny, attention grabbing sermon, they desire to see people know the Lord, and to live their lives for Him. This weekend was awesome, and I can't wait for this summer.

I wish everyone could meet Alex... such a genuine and loyal friend.
Plus he makes me laugh and sings pop music with me when no one else will.

Drew has sun issues, so I helped him out by offering up my bandanna and sunglasses.
In my opinion he enjoyed the women's' accessories a little too much.

The whole gang.
Drew, my new friend Josh, Steve, Alex, Seth, me, Olivia, and Ryan
I love these people!