I hate change.
So the fall is naturally a time filled with change. School has always started in the fall. New semesters are always a little terrifying, no matter how many you've already conquered! Now this fall is the first time I've not packed my backpack and headed off to school in gosh.... 21 years. 21 flippin years!! That's insane. So needless to say, that's a change.
I came home every weekend just about the last 2 years of college because I was really involved in my church here and just had an incredible group of friends and community. Then, I moved to Dallas for grad school and the trips home were far and few between. My dependency on my community here in Virginia lessened and I became immersed in an amazing group of friends, my job, and my studies at DTS. But now, I'm back in Virginia. That's a change.
When I left for Texas, I was this ultra conservative college grad fresh out of a fundamentalist baptist university tucked away in the beautiful mountains of Virginia, who believed anything and everything my professors in college told me. My school was great, but I don't feel like I learned to think on my own while I was there. I went off to seminary, to a big city, and experienced life and my views began to change. The way I saw poverty, social injustices, cultural and personal differences... my opinions became more real and tangible. Some of them didn't change drastically from what I believed in college, it was just that I embraced them as my own, not just because someone told me to. Others have changed a lot. I love people more, worrying less about how they're living and the choices they're making. I don't get uncomfortable with the differences in us as humans and I don't judge people for their lifestyles and views. I used to be a punk. I'm realizing... that I've changed.
You see an old friend that you havent seen in awhile, you hangout, and then in an instant you realize that no matter how much you hoped it wouldnt... everything has changed.
For the last 4 summers I've worked a camp where I get to live life with a staff of other believers. Day in and day out, we're together; struggling together, rejoicing together, mourning together, eating together, laughing together, worshipping together. It's incredible the way the Lord can bring a group of complete strangers with personalities at all ends of the spectrum and form them into a family. Then the summer ends, fall comes, and they're not there. That's a change.
I hate change and right now, my life is full of it. The thing that stinks is that I've not transitioned from one place to another, I'm stuck somewhere in the in between. It's lame... super lame. It's depressing... super depressing and its left me looking back. I miss all the friends I've had to say goodbye to over the last few months. I miss being in an environment where I'm constantly learning something new and refreshing. I miss the independence that comes from not living with your parents. Hey hey I'm 25 and living with mom and dad... awesome!
BUT somewhere inside there's a part of me that's desperately trying to be an optimist. So here are a few things that havent changed....
*Some of those people here in Virginia that I loved before I moved to Texas, they've changed, sure, but our friendship hasnt. I'd die without them.
*My purple room in my parents house, that hasnt changed... well except for being insanely cluttered with all the junk I collected in Texas.
*The unconditional love and support of my parents and sisters... that hasnt changed.
*God's unconditional love and grace that finds me wherever I am and in whatever mess I've found myself... that hasn't changed.
*My love for laughter... that hasn't changed and in fact, during difficult times and seasons, I very much treasure those moments where laughter shows it beautiful face.
Change is scary, but I take comfort in the fact that not everything is changing. I can get through this and know that in retrospect, I'll see His hand in it all somewhere. So I leave you with a quote from Grey's Anatomy. I love those monologues at the beginning and end of the show... seriously, google that mess and learn from Meridith Grey and her amazing insight. :)
Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is ... everything.
Sometimes... change is everything.